A Gift For A Hag
by galleons
Summary: Professor Snape doubts the possibility that he can ever forgive Professor Dumbledore or the Sorting Hat.
1. Chapter 1: The Perfect Gift

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own, nor hope to profit from the characters and Harry Potter books. This is just for fun. I have very few galleons and if Griphook is looking for me, do not inform him that is my pen name.

Also, reviews would be greatly appreciated.

**Note: **This is one spin-off of my many Snape fics yet to be posted. It somewhat coincides with what will be The Mental Mentorship trilogy.

I am not going to say this will be short, because I do that and end up eating my Sorting Hat. This fic is pure evil….yet funny!

****

Chapter 1: The Perfect Gift

Professor Severus Snape was livid.

He had just walked out of Professor Dumbledore's office and was greatly displeased by the conversation that they just had.

The Hogwarts professors held a grab bag for every holiday, including Valentine's Day. Professor Snape had never taken a sick day once since he started working at Hogwarts as Potions Master and he didn't plan on it now. Actually, how could one do it the same day every year? Dumbledore was sentimental but certainly not foolish. Also, Dumbledore made sure that Valentine's Day was the day that a direct deposit of salaries was made at Gringott's bank for that month.

The staff, who all lived at Hogwarts from September through June, loved the tradition---all with the exception of Professor Snape.

In the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore had insinuated that the gift that Professor Snape gave to Professor Vector last year would not be acceptable for this year. Something a little more suitable was warranted. Actually, Dumbledore felt it had left much to be desired.

Well, Dumbledore hadn't just come right out and said it. He had given Professor Snape a knowing look and Professor Snape, accomplished in legilimency, had interpreted what the look meant…loud and clear.

Professor Dumbledore had also informed Professor Snape that even though names were selected by each teacher from the Sorting Hat, it just so happened that Professor Snape had gotten Professor Vector again. He assured Professor Snape that the Sorting Hat did his best to ensure that names were pulled randomly. Dumbledore told Professor Snape he could always overrule this and switch Professor Vector for Dolores Umbridge.

Professor Dumbledore said that Professor McGonagall, who had selected Umbridge, would certainly understand. She might even be more than happy to oblige him.

Professor Snape had decided right then and there that he had no desire to switch.

Dumbledore also pointed out to Snape that it was not polite to tag a gift as such:

_Dear,( hastily crossed out) _

_To a miserable hag,_

_Happy Insufferable Fool's Day._

_Unfortunately, (also, hastily crossed out)_

_From: Professor Severus Snape_

Severus Snape could not understand why the truth was frowned upon so?

Professor Snape was very disappointed. He regrettably, would not be sending Vector ten dozen blood lollipops from Honeydukes as he did the year before.

Skulking, he realized that he would have to present her with what Dumbledore considered a "decent" gift.

Unfortunately, Professor Snape did not know the first thing about such rubbish.

He had never had a valentine.

**The Gift that Keeps on Giving**

**2 hours later…**

Even though Professor Snape had tons of essays to grade, the rolls of parchment collecting on his desk, and preparations to make for the following week's Potions classes, his work would have to suffer.

Snape resented this intrusion on his perfectly organized schedule and its usually flawless execution.

Saturday was now reserved for shopping for a gift for Valentine's Day, to be given to an incessantly irksome fool.

Professor Snape took his traveling cloak off of the hook in his office and swung it over his shoulders. He sealed off the door to his office with a charm and headed for the Great Hall.

Professor Snape swept quickly through the corridors of the school. His thoughts were filled with the disturbing task at hand. He felt as if someone could possibly detect what he was about to do. He knew in reality, they could not, but he could not shake the fear and foreboding of possible exposure.

He never made eye contact with passing eyes, and today he was being extra careful about doing so. He did not wish for anyone to question his destination for that afternoon. Since the students had no scheduled classes on Saturdays, the chance of that occurring had dwindled somewhat.

The staff would be another matter entirely. They usually inquired about his health, his classes, or his whereabouts from time to time, just to be polite and well-mannered.

He especially hoped if he encountered anyone, they would not do so today.

He also wanted to make sure that just because he gifted Vector with a present for the holiday gift bag, it was implicitly clear that the dunderhead was NOT his valentine.

The blood lollipops would have undeniably made it so. However, Dumbledore had foiled his plan. Professor Snape's thoughts went very quickly to Dolores Umbridge before he sneered, cleared his thoughts, and kept walking out the front doors and to Hogsmeade.

There were days when Professor Snape was very pleased at himself for mastering occlumency.


	2. Chapter 2: Whining and Dining

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 2: Whining and Dining**

Severus Snape walked so fast that to passerby he seemed to nearly float, his cloak billowing out behind him…a black blur in a sea of color and happy faces.

The journey to reach his destination seemed to take forever, and he grimaced as he passed all of the couples holding hands who were celebrating Valentine's Day very early on Saturday.

He continued along, trying to block out this disturbance and swept quickly past Honeydukes without looking at the brightly colored window displays.

The blood lollipops and cockroach clusters were far too tempting…

He thought of his gift to Professor Vector last year and knew he had to avoid the window that was beckoning him.

He turned a corner, nearly frightening one cuddling couple right off a bench. They were lounging in front of the place of business he was about to enter.

He raised an eyebrow at their startled looks and recognized them as former students of his. They decided to go and leave their spot a little earlier than planned. They got up and walked gingerly around where he was standing and staring at them in annoyance. His gaze followed them as they hastened quickly to leave.

Severus Snape then turned his attentions to an old-fashioned store front and mentally prepared himself for entering.

In his youth, he swore to himself that he would never enter the blasted place.

Since then he never had. There was never any reason to and no one to accompany him…

When Severus Snape slowly entered Madame Puddifoot's tea shop, couples turned to stare at the doorway in disbelief.

Even some older former students could only gape at him as he strode over to the front counter and approached the owner herself.

He opened his mouth to speak but twin cupids over the counter had dropped pink heart-shaped confetti over his hair and had left him somewhat taken aback. After he felt his hair and looked down at the floor, he recovered and folded his arms across his chest. He then noticed how quickly the confetti had spread over his shoulders and his cloak.

Madame Puddifoot, noticing his rolling eyes, decided to speak first.

"Good Morning, Professor." Surely, it had to be that disagreeable instructor that her customers and some of the students talked about. Well, he certainly fit the description.

"Is it?" inquired Snape icily. "Actually, I was hoping to have a word with you about weighing my options in regard to the holiday," said Snape, his tone grim.

"Why, yes, sir. How can I assist you?" she replied eagerly.

"I need to obtain a gift for a certain person," he managed hesitantly.

"Oh, uh, I have a few suggestions."Madame Puddifoot did not like the aura that emanated from this man. The whole atmosphere had gone from cheery to cold in her very pink and pretty tea shop. However, she smiled and was more than happy to assist. Some of her customers' husbands were often embarrassed to ask for help. She guessed that it might apply to this terrifying man, too.

"Is this "certain person" your wife?" asked the shopkeeper.

"Certainly not!" Snape snapped and looked at the lady with disdain, as if she had accused him of not paying his bill.

"Oh, er…" she blushed furiously. "Ah, she must be your girlfriend then?" Madame Puddifoot waited for a response and seriously hoped she was on the mark.

"Absolutely not! She is certainly not MY "girl" or whatever it is called and she is hardly my…"

"Friend!" Madame Puddifoot offered and instantly regretted finishing his sentence.

Snape shook his head, no, and glared at her. This was proving to be more of a nuisance than he had originally suspected. Was this woman daft?

Snape then thought about the term "girl" and was perplexed.

Could a hag like Vector even be considered as such? He had no answer that could satisfy his query.

"Well, it is still early and you could always reserve a table for two for this evening." Madame Puddifoot thought it best not to ask anymore about who was on the receiving end of this gift. However, she was starting to feel very sorry for that person.

Snape raised an eyebrow in disbelief and Madame Puddifoot tried one more suggestion. The thought made her smile and she believed this would change his attitude a bit.

"I guess if you would like to be alone with your sweetheart, you could always do what Gilderoy Lockhart is doing." Madame Puddifoot was gushing and wringing her hands so she did not seem to notice the sneer appearing on Snape's disgusted face.

"He just owled me and said that he would spare no expense and desired that I close my shop on February 15, so he could be alone with Celestina Warbeck. He said with regret that they needed some private time alone and his legions of fans all saw him as their valentine. Celestina would be the target of unwanted negative attention if the general public were allowed in as customers also."

"Isn't that romantic?" she sighed.

"Am I to understand that you BELIEVE him?" Snape's face looked murderous.

"I think I have heard quite enough," He held out a hand as if to stop her from saying another word.

She looked fearful and blushed to the roots of her hair, her mouth agape.

Professor Snape turned on his heel and fled.

Unfortunately, some new customers were walking in the door just as he was exiting swiftly.


	3. Chapter 3: Confections And Reflections

**A Gift For A Hag**

Chapter 3: Cross Purposes, Confections, and Reflections

Severus Snape bowed his head and stalked briskly to the door of the tea shop. It was there that he halted abruptly when his chest collided with two small heads.

He happened to be looking down and saw two pairs of feet, one in trainers, and the other in girls' dress shoes. He noticed they appeared ridiculously small in comparison with his black boots.

His hair swung into his face upon impact, but that did not prevent him from slowly raising his head to eye the intruders of his person.

He looked up to see Harry Potter and Cho Chang peering up at him, quite startled themselves.

In a split second, Severus Snape's face had changed. His lip was curled and his eyebrow was raised mockingly.

Cho Chang blushed furiously and exclaimed in a soft voice. "Oh, I'm very sorry, Professor Snape. I wasn't looking where I was going."

In her embarassment, her words rolled very quickly and to make a point of sincerity, her first response was to involuntarily pat a hand quickly on his arm as she spoke.

Snape was looking at the hand like he was considering the possibility of cutting it off, when she jumped back nervously, realizing what she had just done.

She shouted a "Sorry, Professor," and stood stock still.

Potter, he noted, gave him a lop-sided smile in a very daring fashion that resembled his father.

"Well, carrying on in a tea shop when you should clearly be doing something more constructive with your time, explains the lamentable grade on your last Potions exam, Potter."

Snape continued…,"this will not be the only "tea" you will encounter. Snape referred to the big, red "T" for Troll he had scrawled on Harry Potter's last exam.

"You are extremely fortunate that we are not presently on school grounds, or I would be deducting ten points from Gyffindor and Ravenclaw for getting in my way and making physical contact respectively," spat Snape.

"I suggest you both make haste." Snape slowly raised his arm in the opposite direction, still failing to move.

Harry and Cho moved very carefully around him, afraid to make contact by accident.

Cho looked petrified and Harry merely inconvenienced for the moment.

Snape was tired of looking at the swaggering, insolent face. He had endured enough of that look from the overconfident father.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Potter, if you wish to retain them in future." Snape hissed and glared at the couple as they took their seats at a table.

Snape looked back at the stunned and silent room, then exited swiftly out of the door in a swirl of black cloak.

As Professor Snape exited the door of Madame Puddifoot's, he saw two passing Hufflepuffs looking at him in bewilderment. He raised his eyebrow and glared threateningly at them. One word to anyone that they had seen him leaving the tea shop, and some jewels might just float to the top of an hourglass upon his return to school.

Quite possibly there were none on the bottom of the hourglass to begin with.

While walking off as quickly as he could from the ghastly place, his thoughts turned to the knowledge he had just acquired.

He grimaced to himself and continued on. The thought of anyone renting out the tea shop for one night made him quite ill, let alone hearing that Lockhart had a hand in it.

Who would believe that tripe about Lockhart? Obviously, the proprietor of the store was not the only one receiving galleons for appearing with Lockhart tomorrow.

Before he left Hogsmeade, Professor Snape decided there was one thing he desired to do for himself first.

He walked in the opposite direction and approached the brightly colored displays yet again. Store front windows were filled with waterfalls of magicked candies dropping to the bottom of the windows and then floating right back up again to the top in a rainbow-hued cycle.

Severus Snape opened the door and the sound of a tinkling bell echoed through the store. He rolled his eyes and entered. Most of the patrons turned to stare at him in astonishment. Students could have kicked themselves; they dearly hoped that he hadn't seen them. They would surely get into trouble for something they never did.

Neville Longbottom, who was near the entrance to the store, turned white and dropped both the chocolate frog that he had just purchased and his pet toad. The candied frog and Trevor both hopped away escaping to the back of the store.

"Good Afternoon, Sir. May I help you?" the owner of Honeydukes asked kindly.

"No. I am just…browsing." Snape remarked snidely. It was with wistful regret that Severus Snape had entered the store. He folded his cloak over his arms and they rested on his chest.

Snape walked through the narrow, crowded store until he reached the back aisle. He looked over a few shelves and smiled nastily to himself.

"Can I be of assistance, Sir?" an assistant shopkeeper asked hesitantly. This might be the teacher all of the children complained about. He had seen enough parents come in to order care packages to be sent to Hogwarts to cheer up their distraught children, especially the parents of first years. Once they went off to school, the ghoul in their attic didn't seem so scary anymore.

Snape shook his head. "No." he replied, and the shopkeeper kept walking.. He had just come to look at the shiny, red, orb-like pops. They were packaged with black glitter and tied with neat little bows. Each one rested in a black, coffin-like container.

He looked to his left and saw boxes with tiny, brown insects dancing on them with bowties. He opened a box and saw the chocolate-covered critters nestled on crinkly, red paper.

He had known exactly where to find them….from experience.

The memory and the sight of them almost made up for what he had endured earlier in Hogsmeade.

Even Lockhart could not irk him as he stared at the shelves in the store.


	4. Chapter 4: Snape's Best Holiday Memory

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Note:** I had to create an owl for Snape that will show up in many of my fics.

**Chapter 4: Snape's Best Holiday Memory**

…**.or when you care enough to send the very best.**

Professor Snape walked out of Honeydukes and turned left onto a nearly empty street. He recalled the very different way he had spent Valentine's Day the previous year.

**Flashback….**

Charon, his owl, had taken the piece of parchment with his beak and flew swiftly to Honeydukes to place an order that Snape had given him.

Sitting in his office, Severus Snape had waited patiently for his owl to return. Charon had swooped in an hour later and informed him that the order had been successfully placed.

He nodded at Charon and the owl had taken leave to return to the owlery.

Severus Snape was keeping an eye on his cauldrons, while he was marking essays at this desk. It was not long before Professor Vector had entered his office.

"You…..are a bloody moron! How dare you?"

Professor Snape slowly lifted his head to face her and raised an eyebrow. He was quite annoyed that he had been disrupted from his work.

"Lower your voice, Vector. There are classes arriving shortly. To what do I owe your extremely rude and erratic intrusion?" he asked very slowly.

"I---I repeat…I am NOT a vampire, Snape. Wherever did you hear this?"Professor Vector asked, throwing both of her hands in the air in frustration.

"News seems to travel very quickly at Hogwarts and my ears are always open," offered Snape.

"…and what is the meaning of this?" She jingled a rather large box and slowly walked over to his desk.

"I was merely trying to accommodate….your needs….on this holiday," said Snape, a cruel twist to his lips.

"My needs?" She dangled the box inches in front of him and looked him squarely in the eye. "Also, how can one be both a vampire and a hag?"asked Professor Vector, her voice raising.

"I assure you, Vector, there are times when even you surpass my low expectations. Ask Hagrid." Snape sneered at her.

Professor Vector's eyes opened wide. She threw the card and the box onto his desk, where it slid. The force caused several blood lollipops to fall out.

She turned on her heel. Her body facing the door before the hem of her skirts could join it. She exited the door of Snape's office but not before calling Professor Snape a "bloody moron" again.

Professor Snape was quite sure that the words "bloody moron" also reverberated off the stone walls of the corridor leading out of the dungeons as she left.

Clearly, she was moronic, he thought. Anyone else would have been a bit more respectful towards him. The last time he had looked at someone like that, Neville Longbottom was excused from Potions and sent to Madame Pomfrey.

Professor Snape picked up his quill and resumed his duties.

**The Next Day…**

The next day, Snape had summoned Charon from the owlery to his office yet again.

When the owl swooped over the desk in the dungeons, Snape was waiting for him with a piece of parchment in his hands.

The owl took it with his beak and swiftly left the office to deliver the message.

Snape lowered himself slowly into his chair and went right back to his work.

Charon would not be returning to his office. Snape had informed the owl that he need not wait for a response.

Professor Vector would surely be returning to his office to deliver it in person momentarily.

Charon, grateful not to wait around this time, had soared back to his perch in the owlery.

Via owl, Professor Snape had informed Professor Vector that when she had thrown the card and the single box on his desk, several of the contents contained within the package had spilled onto his desk. He had curiously noted that he had sent her nine other boxes of blood lollipops for the Valentine's Day holiday gift bag. Returning one box in a very unprofessional manner and seemingly keeping the other nine boxes had only lead him to believe that his suspicions were correct.

Professor Snape let it be known to Professor Vector that he was taking this as confirmation that she was indeed a vampire.

He asked her to keep them. It was his duty to gift her with them. Better to keep the boxes than to suck the blood of unsuspecting students…if perchance…..a craving should arise.

When Professor Snape had finished his work, he rose from his chair and put on his cloak.

He had to go to the Great Hall for dinner.

However, he had great difficulty opening the door that led out of his office.

He pushed with all of his might and finally the door opened.

On the floor near the door were piles of blood lollipops spilling out of their boxes. He counted to make sure….

Alas, there were nine.


	5. Chapter 5: Gags for Hags

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 5: Gags for Hags**

The memory of last year's Valentine's Day put new vigor into Professor Snape as he quickened his steps.

He approached the next store on his itinerary and opened the door.

When he entered, his fingers were pinched by a trick door knob.

He sincerely hoped that the owner of Zonko's Joke Shop had heirs; if he came into contact with him, that joke had been his last.

Fred and George Weasley did a double take as Professor Snape walked past them and into an aisle near the back of the store.

As he made his way, several students checking out the wares in the aisle jumped back and out of his path.

Many leaned as far back as they could onto the shelves to let Professor Snape pass. Regrettably, an assortment of items fell off of the shelves.

Professor Snape turned and entered the "Wreaking Havoc in the Workplace" aisle.

He held a confundus quill in front of his face and read the directions, thought better of it, and put it down.

He examined parchment that remained blank after one made several attempts to scratch furiously with a quill in frustration before giving up.

He then noticed the ink wells that were full and drained when a quill touched the contents of the well.

His dark eyes traveled over seat cushions for one's study chair that did not allow the occupant of the chair to rise again once seated.

There was a section for potions and herbs to taint food, drinks, and other items with. They offered a wide variety of results and various degrees of consequences.

Snape had already given this a thought----well, many thoughts before…surely, a waste of sickles. If he ever wanted to let his hand slip over her pumpkin juice, he need look no further than his own store room.

Snape next looked at some mirrors that screamed. He put them down quickly. This probably happened to any mirror that had the misfortune of being looked at by Vector. A waste of more sickles….

He was rather enjoying himself, but then he thought of Dumbledore. He sneered and left the joke shop hastily.

It was mid-afternoon and he had not found a gift for the hag yet.


	6. Chapter 6: Gagging With Fools

**A Gift for A Hag**

**Chapter 6: Gagging with Fools**

Professor Snape kept a brisk pace as he walked down Diagon Alley in London. He had tried to purchase a gift in Hogsmeade, but found no success despite his visit to many of the more popular shops.

It was getting late and he had yet to procure a gift for Professor Vector.

Diagon Alley was not part of his initial plans; he had heartily wished to avoid the place. The streets were packed with couples, their arms about each other. Diagon Alley was always busy with bustling crowds on a Saturday, but the amount of people had surely doubled due to the holiday.

Keeping his eyes forward and attempting to not vomit in his throat, he turned a corner and walked down the street that led to "Flourish and Blotts."

Snape was unprepared for the sight that met his eyes.

At the corner of the street where the store was located; he halted. There were lines that led from the bookstore to where he stood. He observed huddles of bright-eyed, gushing, mature women who were jumping up and down and talking excitedly. He noticed a rather old witch fixing her teeth and the woman who held her arm was peering into a mirror and applying jammy, red lipstick to her mouth.

There were teams of mediwizards breaking through the crowds and rushing women who were either delirious or who had fainted to St. Mungo's. He had noticed where they had set up their service area across the street from "Flourish and Blotts."

Snape turned to the elderly witch at the back of the line where he stood.

"Madame, what seems to be the trouble?" Snape asked curtly.

The witch croaked out, " You mean you don't know!" She looked at him queerly as if he was the most foolish human being one could imagine.

"There is a book signing going on. Gilderoy Lockhart is HERE!"

For the most part, Professor Snape had had a miserable morning. He had accomplished nothing, and it continued right into the afternoon.

He was not, however, prepared for what the elderly witch had just told him.

Snape had not seen Lockhart since his "blasted ball that Hogwarts had hosted" or as he liked to refer to it "the bloody tribute to himself."

He did not want to run into Lockhart. He could not guarantee Lockhart's safety or his life.

However, time was running out and he had to get the hag a gift.

As he pushed his way through the crowd, trying to avoid as much physical contact as possible, he noticed the windows of the book store.

There were pictures of Gilderoy Lockhart winking, waving, and holding up his latest book. It was called, "Lessons for Lovers: How to squire the deserving female of your dreams."

Snape glared nastily at the photos and then turned quickly away. Several females were screaming at him and accusing him of trying to cut in line.

"Hold your tongues! Do you really think I would waste my time waiting on line for this blasted…"

An old woman had shoved him from behind. He slowly turned and glowered at her. The only female in the crowd to no faint from Lockhart's charm or as Snape called it "devices of an utter fraud."

It was probably better that he had not finished what he was about to say regarding Lockhart. There was no telling what lengths his legions of rabid fans would do to defend his honor. In a worst case scenario, even resorting to the Dark Arts could only do so much.

Snape got to the door and slowly made his way to the back of the store. He was extremely fortunate that Lockhart was signing an autograph for a woman who was repeatedly fluffing out her hair and smiling like a complete imbecile.

He would not be disturbed in the "Self-Help" aisle.


	7. Chapter 7: Ogling With Idiots

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Note**: This chapter references an incident in my other fic The Mental Mentorship that will be posted after a few more chapters. It will explain just what happened exactly between Gilderoy and Snape at the Hogwarts ball and the revival of their dueling club demonstrations. Pure silliness… but please do not expect a dance sequence with Snape and Vector, or a love scene, when that fic is updated. It is not what happened, but it will help Snape's animosity toward Lockhart in this chapter make sense. Not that he ever liked him much…or anyone for that matter…especially hags.

I know, I know…far too much time on my hands….but never a waste if it is a Snape fanfic.

**Chapter 7: Ogling With Idiots**

Professor Snape perused the books in the "Self-Help" section of "Flourish and Blotts" bookstore. There was a section for every type of magical creature and beast imaginable, even hags.

He ran his long, white fingers over "Famous Hags in Magical History" and even picked up "You Know You Are a Hag When…" but knew this would not do for the grab bag.

He did not even bother to pick up "Holidays with Hags" because Lockhart, the only person to send _himself _a valentine, had written it.

Another book caught his eye, however, and he picked it up. I could not be the grab bag gift, but he could save it for another occasion perhaps.

Professor Snape noticed that there were no sales clerks in the back and regrettably he would have to make his way to the front of the store.

No matter. Lockhart was otherwise indisposed and would take no notice of him and his….

"OH, MY GOODNESS! Attention, everyone, for a brief moment. That sullen chap over there in the black cloak is my good friend, Professor Severus Snape, a former colleague of mine and _my _assistant when I was head coach of the Hogwarts Dueling Club. Everyone give a nice, warm welcome and a round of applause for Professor Snape!"

The mass of women turned to look at Snape and cheered, applauding wildly.

"Obviously, he had heard of my book signing and has immediately come to show his support," Lockhart flashed a toothy grin at the crowd as he clapped along with them.

Professor Snape looked around wearily, sneer firmly in place.

"Let me share something with you all about my dear friend, Severus. He is far too modest, so I will retell the tale. Severus, if I leave anything out just chime in. I threw a ball for the students at Hogwarts and Professor Snape was nowhere in sight. The staff assured me that he would try his best to come and had no idea where he was. Very concerned, there was a long time before I received word of his whereabouts. Professor Snape was attacked by vampires, ghouls, hags, and a lone yeti. Now, if you all remember in "Year with the Yeti" I had vanquished mine in a very, very remote place from Scotland, let alone the continent."

"Mr. Lockhart," shouted a grinning woman in the front, "you never specified where that country was."

"Oh, dear. Er, yes," replied Lockhart. "It is quite a difficult name to pronounce and no one seems to have heard of it. Well, I guess that means I discovered it then." Lockhart grinned and the woman swooned.

Professor Snape was planning his escape. It would not be easy.

The women were crowding around him, desperate to get a better glimpse at Lockhart's friend. Maybe the friend could introduce them to Gilderoy at a later date.

Professor Snape was taking in the store and planning his escape route yet again when several females nearest him threw owl names, addresses, and underpants at him. Professor Snape decided that he had had his fill of both hags and hag literature.

Unfortunately, Lockhart called attention to him again.

"Anyhow, Professor Snape fought off his assailants, surely by using some tips he had learned from reading my published works. He managed to escape with all of his shopping items from the Apothecary and be in attendance at my ball."

Lockhart looked over at Snape again. "Professor Snape, it is Valentine's Day and you must also be in Diagon Alley shopping for a sweetheart, an amour…you can't hoodwink this old softie. And we all know or at least now we do. Ladies, he is AWFULLY shy."

Several women blushed and tittered and looked in Snape's direction.

"No, as a matter of fact, I am not….shopping for anyone in particular." Snape scowled at Lockhart.

"Professor Snape…out to break a few hearts today. He's single, ladies…or maybe not? Severus, what is that you are holding in your hand?"

Lockhart had spied the book Snape was purchasing to give to Vector after Valentine's Day.

"Why, Severus, you aren't a free agent! You are taken! You must be currently dating a hag!" Lockhart replied in awe.


	8. Chapter 8: Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

**A Gift for a Hag**

**Chapter 8: Beauty Is Only Skin Deep**

"Ladies, another round of applause for Professor Snape," Lockhart piped up.

"To a man that sees that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone is born with charming good looks," Lockhart primped his hair and continued.

"Severus Snape looks beyond Ministry Creature Classifications and into a female's heart."

Professor Snape was trying to keep his temper in check and looking for the quickest exit. He looked down at the book in his hand and realized he could not purchase it today if he was to apparate out of "Flourish and Blotts." Store security cast spells to ensure that books were paid for and paying for the book at the counter that was mobbed by hysterical, delusional females would be impossible.. However, the blasted book was only encouraging Lockhart's ridiculous ranting. "Magical Makeover: Putting Your Best Claw Forward" (Hag's Edition) would have to be sacrificed for one evening.

Gilderoy Lockhart had taken out a lavender handkerchief and was rather violently blowing his nose.

"I am overcome….the sheer beauty of it all…I will need to take a fifteen minute break."

Professor Snape started for the door; the book was tossed to a nearby salesgirl who looked at him in horror.

Snape left as quickly as he could. He had noticed what he believed to be three actual hags eyeing him hopefully as he fled.

Professor Snape managed to leave rather quickly when Lockhart was overcome and announced that he needed a break.

As Snape whipped open the door of "Flourish and Blotts" to exit he was fuming silently.

Lockhart had escaped the killing curse once again.

He lamented the loss of a clear shot with his wand due to the raving madwomen in the way. Also, that "Magical Makeover: Putting Your Best Claw Forward (Hag's Edition), was not in his cloak pocket and on its way back to Hogwarts with him.

Professor Snape realized that in a few hours time the grab bag would be instituted and he was no closer to procuring something for Vector.

How simple it had been last year! Much more than it seemed this year, he ruminated.


	9. Chapter 9: A Thank You Would Suffice

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 9: A "Thank You" Would Suffice**

Professor Snape, once again lost in thought, remembered the perfect Valentine's Day that he celebrated the year before.

(Flashback)

Professor Snape had magicked the blood lollipops back into their cases which flew neatly into the nine boxes. He looked at the boxes as they traveled slowly to make a uniform pile on his desk.

He was on his way to the Great Hall where he would remind Professor Vector of her lack of gratitude and warn her about her lack of a blood supply.

He was seated at the staff table when she arrived at the door in a horrific pink dress. He snorted into his pumpkin infused tea and ignored her as she took her place next to him at the table. He looked slowly over at her when she addressed him.

"Hello, Professor," Professor Vector stated indifferently.

She seated herself and began to eat.

He merely nodded and began to look around at the students seated at their House tables.

"Well, everything seems to be in order," he stated and resumed drinking his tea.

"It appears, Vector, you have returned my present and I wondered if you have struck. Also, your _kind,_ do not usually wear apparel in that particular color," Snape remarked coldly.

Professor Vector dropped her fork and leaned in to whisper to Snape. "What do you mean my "kind"?

Snape ignored her and stared at her mouth. He slowly tilted his head and moved in slightly for closer examination.

"What are you doing, Snape?" Professor Vector looked very uncomfortable and moved her chair slightly away from him.

"Checking for congealed blood on your fangs…they also seem to be in order," Snape replied.

Professor Vector pushed her seat in abruptly amid stares from the other staff members and resumed eating.

"As your mentor, I most likely will introduce you to a more suitable valentine. He looks about your age."

Professor Vector, not desiring a scene and trying to eat in peace, humored him and asked, "Well, how old is he…your imaginary friend?"

"Sanguini is three hundred years old. Oh, I have forgotten he was bitten at twenty-seven, so close to your actual age, Vector." Snape smirked and took another slow sip of his tea.

"You are lucky that I will not make a scene at this table, Snape. I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of doing so. Pass the tea pot," Professor Vector said through her teeth.

Professor Snape passed her the tea pot.

"At the very least enjoy your meal. Putting on quite a convincing show while you crave some warm blood…I have something for you, Vector," said Snape sleekly.

Snape slowly held open one side of his cloak near his chest and deftly patted an inside pocket. Visible was one blood lollipop that poked out at the top and only Vector could see.

It was then that the bell sounded and students and staff hurriedly left their table to return to their common rooms and quarters.


	10. Chapter 10: Smelling The Roses

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 10: Smelling The Roses**

Professor Snape waited in the Slytherin common room. He had thoroughly given up searching for a grab bag gift for Professor Vector. He had found nothing suitable in either Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. An alternative plan, undesirable as it was, was about to be enacted.

"Miss Parkinson, may I have a word with you?"

"Yes Professor." Pansy's chin tilted upwards towards her Head of House in rapt attention, while maintaining a smug I-have-been-singled-out-probably-due-to-favoritism pose.

"I see you are not in uniform. Might I presume you are venturing to Hogsmeade?"

"Yes sir," replied Pansy

"I may be able to suggest that you serve your detention with me for an hour this evening instead of on Saturday with Sprout. I have something urgent I would like you to…assist me with, and surely you would have been spending a trying hour in the greenhouse without my offer of an alternative?" Snape informed her.

Pansy looked at Snape in surprise and relief.

"Thank you, I mean, but how, sir?"

"I will need to see you in my office for an hour before you leave for Hogsmeade. It is now 5:00. Be in my office promptly at 6 or I will have to re-think what I have just told you." Snape said coolly.

Pansy nodded and a sly grin spread over her face.

She turned and went out the door to meet some other Slytherin girls in her year.

He really was too indulgent with some students from his House at times. However, the task ahead was not for the feint of heart.

Professor Snape strode out of the Great Hall and into the gardens on the Hogwarts grounds. A vision in black amidst a riot of colors, he wished to go about his business quickly and covertly, but that would prove most difficult.

"Eh, Professor Snape," Hagrid waved cheerfully at him as he walked down to his hut.

Snape offered a tight smile and kept going.

He looked around at the wide variety of plants, herbs, and flowers that grew in abundance and spilled over the grounds. Frankly, he did not spend any time here so he wasn't sure where they would be. Thankfully, Sprout sent him ingredients he needed or he purchased them at the Apothecary. Some were native and others had been planted over the years. This section was not part of Sprout's greenhouse. Dumbledore liked to garden in his spare time, however, Sprout and Filch, as herbologist and caretaker respectively, also helped tend this area as well.

"Professor Snape, admiring our daffodils and buttercups…they are lovely, aren't they?" Professor Sprout inquired in a friendly way, but smiled cheekily in spite of her better judgment. She was on her way to the Great Hall.

Snape smirked wryly again and moved on. He felt a little unnerved about being caught touching a buttercup.

He passed a hedge and then several rows of rosebushes before he found what he had been looking for.

The blasted roses smell like that fool Lockhart's ball invitations. He wrinkled his nose and raged on.

When he approached what he was seeking, he looked around before he drew his wand from his cloak. He aimed and blasted several sections of flowers. They fell into a heap on the ground in front of him. He picked up the stems brusquely and swept quickly out of the gardens.

Though he had been caught red-handed strolling in the gardens, he could produce a viable excuse, if need be. If anyone asked about the flowers that were browning and wilting due to being hexed and losing several stems, he would suggest that maybe some first years were practicing a charm that had gone awry.

Neville Longbottom in the vicinity would certainly pass muster as well.


	11. Chapter 11: Presentation Is Everything

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 11: Presentation Is Everything**

Professor Snape entered his office in the dungeons. He had a lingering smell of flowers in his nostrils that would not quite wear off. The dungeons were starting to smell "pleasant" as the flowers he carried left a scent that wafted in the air as he walked.

He had gathered (hexed) a bushel of Vector's favorite flowers, bluebells.

Professor Snape had once overheard her telling Professor Sprout how much she liked them. Not that he would have ever taken the trouble to ask, nor did he care, he might add.

To each their own, Professor Snape mused. He believed muggles said that it was the thought that counts. However, the Headmaster did not seem to think that justified his gift of blood lollipops to Professor Vector last year.

Pansy Parkinson walked into Professor Snape's office and was ready to start serving detention.

"Good Evening, Sir."

Snape rose from his desk and addressed her. Pansy's eyes shifted for a second to the unruly bunch of bluebells on Professor Snape's desk. He ignored her look and continued.

"In my stores you will retrieve a ball of twine. Use the "engorgio" charm to enlarge it and make it wider. Lastly, transfigure the twine into…ribbon."

"Yes, Sir, we learn that in first year." Pansy replied.

"Also, Miss Parkinson, "Snape spoke in a low voice, "The ribbon's color needs to be transfigured into the color…pink."

"Er, what Sir? I didn't quite catch the last part," Pansy asked, leaning a little more towards Professor Snape.

"Pink! Parkinson, pink, and do make haste before I recant my offer to speak with Professor Sprout about Saturday's detention."

At exactly 7:00 Pansy had completed her detention. Professor Snape had one more request before she left.

"Take the flowers and this tag to Professor Vector. Tell her it is from Professor Snape for the staff gift bag," Snape stated firmly. "You are not to leave for Hogsmeade until they have been delivered. The staff will be meeting shortly. Reporting back to the dungeons will not be necessary."

Pansy took the bouquet into her arms and said, "Thank you, Sir," and left hurriedly.

Professor Snape picked up his wand and performed the "evanesce" charm to clear his desk of the remnants of petals, leaves, and stems.

However, the blasted, flowery scent still permeated the dungeons. Once some potions were brewed, he would finally be rid of the bloody stench!

He chose Parkinson because he believed she would know what was to be done. He had noticed Malfoy presenting her with items on certain occasions. Also, as a student in his House, Slytherin, she was well aware of the consequences of telling any other students about the staff gift bag.

Pansy had arranged both the flowers and the ribbons. He had written out the blasted tag.

One more hour and he was free from any gift bags until December, his mouth twisted into an evil smirk.

He would show up to the gift exchange but now there was no possibility that anyone would actually _see _him gift Vector with the flowers. His student was seeing to that.

After today, he was a little tired of hearing about how Gilderoy Lockhart treated his valentines. Not that Professor Vector was _his_ valentine, of course.

Professor Snape would never either figuratively or literally speaking, "take a page from his book."


	12. Chapter 12: An Empty Gesture

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 12: An Empty Gesture**

Professor Snape made his way to the staff lounge an hour later. He noticed that none of the teachers were outside of the doors chatting and making a disturbance as they usually did for every grab bag exchange. Snape smirked. He could never tell who was more excited with such nonsense and reacted foolishly, Hagrid or the Headmaster.

As he approached the doorway, Professor Vector was coming out, the bouquet of flowers in her arms.

"Severus," his name sounded strange to his ears. She usually snapped out his last name during one of her harpy tirades. "Thank you, they are really lovely." She smiled at him awkwardly, not sure what else to say. She really hadn't expected anything decent from him. Surely, something insulting was expected after all.

"You are…welcome, Vector," Snape said curtly, failing to make eye contact.

Professor Vector slowly held out her hand to shake and Professor Snape stared at her and took her hand grudgingly. Professor Vector then lightly touched his arm and leaned in to kiss him on both cheeks in the European fashion…

Snape backed away dauntingly, daring her with his eyes to come any closer and invade his personal space even further.

Vector shrugged and shook her head knowingly when Snape interrupted…

"Thankfully, I will not be troubled again for at least the next grab bag," Snape spat in disgust.

Professor Vector was not surprised but nonetheless a bit offended. Her cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment.

"Surely, I never fancied you my valentine, Snape. I do wonder who the fortunate lady will be next year, she replied sarcastically. "The Sorting Hat certainly has a sense of humor to add to its many functions."

Snape, not liking her tone, continued…

"As for you, Vector, what lucky fellow would present you a gift without coercion? Who else could endure your madness?" Snape asked.

For a minute they both stared at each other and there was a very awkward silence in the hallway.

"What is that supposed to mean? Why must you endure me?" Vector looked queerly at him as if he was speaking mermish.

Professor Snape, not liking how his question was formulated, sneered, bared his teeth, and swept off leaving Vector standing alone in the hallway with her flowers.

Hopefully the hag had not misinterpreted his statement, mused Snape.

He thought quickly and made his way to the owlery, cursing silently the entire way. The grab bag gift had been given and he had fulfilled his promise to Dumbledore. The thoughts offered some consolation.

Snape looked around and found Charon. He beckoned his owl with his finger, one corner of his mouth turning up and relief flooding his body.

The owl swooped down from an aerial perch, ready to do his master's bidding.

"You are to go to Hogsmeade and place an order for me. However, you are to tell the shopkeeper not to fill it until tomorrow."

Snape decided that this time three boxes of blood lollipops would be sufficient. He already gave the hag the blasted bluebells. Wouldn't do to spoil her…


	13. Chapter 13: Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Note:** I guess one could call this sort of a Part 2, including the last staff grab bag and the new one approaching.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own, nor did I create, nor do I seek to profit from the characters or the Harry Potter books. This is just for fun and entertainment purposes, much to Professor Snape's displeasure.

**Chapter 13: Dream A Little Dream Of Me**

**…Or the psychosis Professor Vector developed after several staff grab bags that went horribly wrong.**

**Nine Months Later…(No, I am not having his **_**child**_** if that is what you assumed…)**

I entered my bedroom, dressed in a white nightgown, free from the day's worries and preparing for bed. I loosened my hair, turned down the covers and nestled into bed.

I believe I was only asleep for an hour or two when it started yet again…

**The Dream Sequence…**

There was a smoky, hazy room. In it, sat a vampire in a tuxedo. He played a haunting, yet catchy tune on a rather old organ.

In my dream, I wore a red silk ball gown. Sanguini, whom Snape knew personally, yet accused ME of being a vampire, was wheeling me down a long, dark, candlelit corridor in some throne-like chair.

We entered into an old opera house at least from the era of King George. Ghosts of some of the most famous performers sat in the balconies.

All eyes traveled to me as I was assisted by two hags ( I myself was not one of them) who took me by both of my arms and led me to the stage.

A purple velvet curtain parted and there I was in the center.

An orchestra of ghosts commenced playing and the show began…

A chorus line of red blood lollipops with fangs and sinister black capes entered from stage left and circled around me. They were dancing and…I have to admit they were quite good….never placed a stick out of step. I tried to break from their circle but I could not. Fearful, I looked around but the circle seemed to be closing in on me.

All of a sudden, from stage right, cockroach clusters in top hats, tails, and bowties started to tap dance on stage as well. They twirled their canes, I guess borrowed for the occasion of my nightmare, and high-kicked in unison.

In the first row and center stage sat Snape, his black eyes glittering triumphantly. He was staring at me and trying not to smile as he stifled an evil laugh…

"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I was tossing and turning and tearing at my sheets.

It was then that I woke up. I sat up, trying to catch my breath, the sweat beading on my brows.

In two weeks time, another Hogwarts staff grab bag would commence.


	14. Chapter 14: Season's Greetings

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 14: Season's Greetings**

Professor Snape entered the staffroom slowly and with caution. There was a meeting to go over the details of the next holiday staff grab bag that was in less than two weeks. Only a few professors sitting quietly looked up and said, "Good afternoon," as he entered. The last get-together for a grab bag at Valentine's Day was unendurable.

**Flashback – 9 months ago…**

Vector was asked about the gift she had received for the Valentine's Day staff gift bag. According to Vector, no one on the staff believed she had received bluebells. She had shown them to the staff as proof that her claim was true. The staff had been sure that she had really received the blood lollipops again.

No, thought Snape. That was the next day.

It was only when Professor Snape entered the staff room and was greeted with a round of applause and a standing ovation that he realized that word had gotten out. One just presented their designated staff member with a gift privately or with others if they wished. Snape, of course, had his student Pansy Parkinson take care of _that _piece of business for him.

Snape did not appreciate the whistles and cat-calls from Sprout and Flitwick. Hagrid had inappropriately shouted out," WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH! Yeh, Professor Snape! Much to Snape's consternation, he also saw the Headmaster smile after moving his lips. However, he wasn't quite sure…

**Staff Room – December**

Snape hoped that this new grab bag meeting would be short. He had better things to do with his time.

Professor Snape was seated in the staff room, waiting patiently for this ridiculous December meeting to be done with already. A few more professors entered and seated themselves as far away from him as possible. Few wished to incur his wrath…just in case he pulled their name from the Sorting Hat this evening.

It was then that Professor Vector entered the staff room. She rushed in, fearing she was late. Her wooly cape floating about her, and her hands and cheeks were pink and cold. She had been returning from London on a cold December morning.

"Astonishing," said Snape, "…that the second sighting of the yeti in Scotland should take place in the Hogwarts staff room of all places."

Several professors, upon hearing this, looked over at him in disbelief. Professor Vector eyed him with annoyance and took the only available seat next to her friend Aurora Sinistra. Unfortunately, Snape was on her other side.

"Merlin's beard, Septima," said Professor Sinistra, ignoring Snape's remark. The utter fool was in fact not fooling anyone. She had her suspicions, but so far they had been entirely unfounded. "How do you find the time?"

Gringotts had owled Septima at 5:00 a.m. to come in and offer advice on a new venture they were undertaking. Although she was an Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts, she served as a free-lance consultant for her former employers from time to time.

"You would be quite amazed, Sinistra. Professor Vector is also a mascot in her spare time…for the Weird Sisters," said Snape smoothly.

Aurora and Septima looked at him in shock.

"I don't remember anyone addressing you, Snape," said Professor Vector.

"Professor," said Aurora, "nobody finds this amusing."

"Well," said Vector," you think you are hilarious, I guess, Severus." She then turned to Aurora.

"Don't worry, Aurora. I am quite encouraged. Who would have guessed inferi had senses of humor?"

There were several nervous stares and titters. Professor Snape scowled and went back to his new potions book he was reading.

It was then that Professor Dumbledore arrived.


	15. Chapter 15: Words Of Caution & Flowery

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 15: Words Of Caution & Flowery Language**

Dumbledore arrived in a swirl of robes and greeted the staff.

"Good morning to all. Please remain seated. We've very little time before our day begins."

"I would like to welcome you all to our staff holiday grab bag initiative for the Christmas holidays."

"In February, we experienced another successful grab bag---for the most part. However, if you will permit me… just a few reminders…"

"There is a very fine line between taste and er, not having taste. Use your better judgment and please refrain from crossing it."

Everyone in the staff room except Dumbledore looked over at Professor Snape. He ignored the stares.

"No gift should make a mockery of a fellow staff member. If the gift recipient does not laugh _with_ the giver who bestowed the item, or in the worst case scenario, cries and does not leave their quarters for several days---I believe one has gone too far."

"Also, objectifying a fellow staff member as a Ministry classified XXXX or XXXXX dangerous magical creature is not, er, polite."

Several eyes glanced at Snape again…

"Please come to my office to participate in the Sorting Hat gift bag selections by 7:00 this evening," said Dumbledore pleasantly.

"And, remember…when entertaining gift ideas, exercise prudence…and for some of us, self-control."

"Enjoy your day!"

The meeting was adjourned and Professor Snape returned to the dungeons.

No one had brought up the bluebells from a few months before. The meeting was somewhat tolerable, he thought, as he pondered what happened in February after Pansy had given Vector the bluebells and he had returned to the staff party.

Certainly not like what ensued after he entered the staffroom following the bluebell delivery.

(**Flashback)**

Professor Snape sat down and ignored the laughs from the well-wishers who had mistaken the flowers that he had given to Vector for the grab bag as some sort of declaration of his love for her. The thought made him thoroughly ill. They had made quite a stretch of their imaginations…well, in his case, a great leap of faith.

Hagrid yelled out, "Merlin's beard, Professor Snape, I woulda never thought ya' would." And the female teachers were considerably worse. They gushed and exclaimed, "Awwwwwwww! Se-ve-rus! That was _so_ nice! Bluebells are so lovely, and they are her favorite!"

It was all too much for Professor Snape. Not that he would let on, however….

Professor Snape was mortified and gritted his teeth. Dumbledore was positively beaming at him and it was frightening to see the twinkle in his blue eyes.

Of course, the old man was enjoying this display.

He looked around and snarled.

"That is quite enough now, Professor McGonagall, you will not be smiling when we take the House Cup again this year. Really, I would expect this sort of behavior from the students…"

"Severus," gushed McGonagall. "Bluebells are indeed Professor Vector's favorite. How did you find that out? Such a lovely gesture…."

Snape looked visibly paler than usual. "It was my obligation to fulfill my duties in regard to the staff grab bag, which as you all know, is mandatory."

"Whoever said it was mandatory?" exclaimed Professor Sprout.

Snape ignored her. Thank Merlin…Vector was not here, thought Snape. She would be reveling in this nonsense.

Snape snapped the book he was pretending to read shut. He would not be staying for this.

He had Pansy deliver the flowers to Vector already, but the staff usually socialized a bit after they had exchanged all of the gifts. He, however, had had quite enough.

He also felt firewhiskey should be restricted furthermore from all staff parties. He would see to this in future.


	16. Chapter 16: Strangers In The Night

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 16: Strangers In The Night**

Septima sat up in bed. She threw back the covers and jumped up to retrieve her dressing gown. She hurriedly put it over her white night gown.

She had been having a wonderful dream and resented the intrusion. However, the knocking at her door would not subside; if anything it grew louder. Septima hoped nothing was wrong. It was 3:00 a.m.

Septima raced over to the door and pulled it open. Luckily, she stepped back for Professor Snape walked right in, unannounced and uninvited.

"I don't remember asking you to come in. What ever is the matter?" She looked at Snape.

"Hogwarts business," snapped Snape.

He drew his wand and slowly strode about the room. He stopped and stared at a pile of her clothes on a chair and lifted a piece of clothing with his wand tip carefully, seemingly studying the article.

"What are you doing?" asked Professor Vector in surprise.

"Are you daft, Vector? I believe I just informed you."

He moved over to her bed and took in the rumpled pillows and bed sheets.

"Just as well…it could always be a cover," stated Snape.

"Cover? What? A bed cover? Are you working with the house elves in the laundry now? I know professors do not earn the highest salaries, but really, Snape…"

"Amusing, Vector," he smirked and glided over to a closet. He yanked open a door and stood back.

"Really, Vector… a stuffed hippogriff doll and the complete works of Gilderoy Lockhart," he tutted. "However, I am not surprised. I think that will be all…though you could have transfigured it," said Snape silkily.

"Transfigured what?" Professor Vector shouted in exasperation.

"The coffin that you apparently sleep in at night," said Snape.

"YOU BLOODY MORON! You really need to find something better to do besides going through other people's drawers and deducting House points with zeal," spat Septima.

Professor Snape looked at her and did not answer.

"Are you _listening _to me?" asked Septima, pulling her dressing gown tightly around her.

Snape sneered and exited the door. "I will see you at breakfast, Vector. I will be examining your juice goblet."


	17. Chapter 17: A Cup Of Cheer

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 17: A Cup of Cheer**

Septima Vector noted Professor McGonagall's frown as they walked out of the doors of the Great Hall and onto the Quidditch pitch. Gryffindor and Slytherin were playing as they spoke.

"Is there anything wrong, professor?" asked Septima with concern.

"Well, nothing serious," replied McGonagall, but she looked distracted.

Septima had noticed that while she waited earlier for Professor McGonagall to don her cloak and hat, Snape had walked past McGonagall's office door at least twice.

"Spinnett was injured at practice yesterday and Johnson isn't feeling well, but she has decided she will play. Severus Snape seems to want me to know that he is aware of this," said McGonagall with a huff.

Septima knew how obsessed he was with the cup.

"If we only took as many points from his House as he took from everyone else's, it wouldn't be so close," fired off McGonagall.

Slytherin was up 50 points ahead of Gryffindor at the second half and they were returning form their offices to grab their cloaks because the weather had gotten chilly half way into the game.

They made it back to the pitch and walked up the steps to the grandstand tower where the teachers sat. Snape was sitting near Mr. Malfoy, wearing a slightly twisted smirk on his face.

_What I wouldn't give to choke the fool with his own scarf,_ thought Septima, trying to keep a low profile and hoping to Merlin he didn't start in with her for fraternizing with the opponent of Slytherin this afternoon, McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House, during a game.

He really took the whole cup thing way too seriously.

McGonagall sat next to Snape and Septima to her left.

"I see we have returned, professor, said Snape to McGonagall with a wry smile.

"That remains to be seen," said McGonagall. "I hope you enjoyed your little stroll past my office, a bit rich pointing out the cup to your team members," McGonagall did not look at Snape but spoke to him in a low voice while watching the game.

"I did," replied Snape coolly. "Vector," said Snape as her glared at her, his eyes finding her guilty of treasonous House activity.

She had known it was coming.

Septima nodded and silently cursed the fates that he was ever made her mentor.

Professor Snape turned to Mr. Malfoy who had come to watch his son, Draco. Snape informed him that he had just the right spot for the cup in the Slytherin common room. Well, after it spent a least a week or so in a place of honor in his office.

A vein throbbed in McGonagall's cheek.

Angelina Johnson was nearly catapulted off her broom after dodging a bludger by a Slytherin beater.

"Really, the need to resort to such tactics…"snapped McGonagall.

"Such is the game, professor," Snape said lazily.

Minerva informed Septima quite loudly, "_Such_ is detention, however, half his House has hardly been there thanks to him."

Septima stifled a laugh and Snape looked over and scowled at the both of them.

It was then that Johnson scored a second time.

The crowd cheered.

*****************

Slyterin was thwarted a few times and Bell and Johnson scored again during the next hour.

McGonagll and Snape had developed a silent cold war that continued almost up until the end of the game.

Septima couldn't believe how serious the cup thing was becoming.

Slytherin scored and Professor Snape turned to Mr. Malfoy and added that Argus Filch had a perfect solution that he had suggested to him years ago that he used in the trophy room that would give a most perfect shine to the cup.

"Severus, did you know that…bluebells are rare in certain parts of the world?" asked Minerva.

Snape ignored her, almost as if she hadn't spoken to him at all.

"Mr. Malfoy, did you manage to hear about Professor Snape's kind contribution to the staff grab bag?" said McGonagall while watching the game carefully.

"No, I hadn't heard," replied Lucius, looking at Snape and raising a dubious eyebrow. He then turned back to the game.

Snape never bothered to turn his head.

A minute later, Harry Potter had caught the snitch and the game was over.

The stands erupted, especially where the Gryffindors sat.

Professor McGonagall walked onto the pitch with her House and was handed a cup that sprouted blue flowers that overflowed from the rim.

"I know just the place in my office," said McGonagall. "Weasley, give the bluebells to Professor Vector. Professor Snape informed me that they are her favorite."


	18. Chapter 18: Special Delivery

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 18: Special Delivery**

"Vector..."

"Yes."

"Are you watching the cauldron?" asked Professor Snape.

"Yes."

"I have not noticed you look in that direction for quite some time. If it is ruined, you will brew another batch."

"It doesn't mean I am not paying attention. Once it is ready I will be leaving."

She made herself very clear. He had been known to spoil her time off in the past---on purpose, of course, merely to vex her.

It was the very same every time she was scheduled to work with him. Potions were always being brewed outside of the classroom for the hundreds of students that came down with any number of ailments. True, Sprout grew most of the herbal ingredients and Pomfrey administered them, but someone had to brew them. Of course some items could be bought from the apothecary, but Snape was a perfectionist who deemed some of the store bought potions inferior to the ones he made. Merlin, even the shopkeepers weren't safe!

And since Snape was her mentor not a short time ago, she had assisted him. Dumbledore saw no reason for certain duties not to continue. She did get paid extra, not that it was important, and she helped children when they were sick or hurt, but still…

Why, why hadn't she feigned ignorance? She was hired to be an arithmancer anyway, she mused. It would have saved her a lot of grief.

It was then that she noticed that Charon swept into the room. She was not sure if owls could sneer but with Snape's owl it looked close enough.

Charon carried a tiny box that he dropped on Snape's desk.

"Vector, go into the drawer of my desk and pay him. He needs to settle my accounts with the Diagon Alley owl post," said Snape.

"Alright," said Septima. "She walked over to his desk and counted out some sickles and knuts.

As she approached where the owl was sneering, she noticed the green velvet bag with the Slytherin crest dangling from Charon's leg.

Really, thought Septima, the House pride thing was getting out of hand. Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, but this was ridiculous…it was smart, though. Once someone realized who the owl was the property of she was sure commerce ran VERY smoothly."

She opened the velvet pouch and jumped back.

Lying within the pouch were bulbs of garlic. The smell was overpowering.

"What is in your owl's pouch?" cried Septima, holding her nose.

"Garlic…a precautionary measure due to the fact Charon knew you would be here during the delivery. He is a smart owl. Very quick on the uptake, Vector," said Snape silkily.

"You bloody fool! Is this your idea of a joke?" shouted Vector.

"Life or death, I would imagine," replied Snape. "I am concerned with the well-being of my owl."

Professor Vector dropped the coins in the owl's purse and waved him away.

She turned to glare at Snape, her face white with fury. He was looking down at several rolls of parchment on his desk.

_Why had she bought him that gift for the grab bag? He didn't deserve it._


	19. Chapter 19: A Pain In The Neck

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 19: A Pain In The Neck**

Professor Vector walked down to the dungeons. There were some draughts she had to store in vials and label before she could return to her rooms---and rest. The past few days had been busy and tiring indeed.

As she neared the door to the office, she noticed Charon, Snape's owl, swoop past her in the opposite direction. He was most likely en route to the owlery. She noticed the pouch tied to his leg; bouncing about on a string was a rather large bulb of garlic.

She ignored the owl and entered Snape's office.

They both nodded at each other simultaneously and she headed for the cauldrons. She wished to complete her work quickly so she could leave the lair of doom, er, Snape's office.

When she reached the cauldron, she was about ready to scoop the contents when she halted. She raised an eyebrow and put down the ladle she had conjured to the side.

"Snape, we are, in fact, indoors. Why are you wearing a woolen scarf?"

Professor Snape, she couldn't help but notice, had a thick black scarf wrapped around his neck, three times from the looks of it. Usually, the scarf was reserved for particularly chilly days outdoors. She had seen him wear it at a few Quidditch games.

"Vector, you will not accept blood lollipops and all of the students in this school are accounted for. Vampires must gain sustenance somehow." Professor Snape slowly patted the part of his neck where the jugular vein was located under a bulky piece of scarf.

"Let me assure you, Snape, there were I a vampire, I would rather expire than sink my fangs into _your_ neck…if I had fangs, which I do _not_. Today I can not help but stare at your neck because you look like you are about to partake in the muggle sport of skiing. Oh, and might I add, you look fairly ridiculous," said a red-faced Vector.

"Also, why is your owl flying around with garlic dangling from his leg? What is the meaning of this?" she asked through her teeth.

Snape slowly answered her. "Do you think I would refrain from safeguarding my owl from harm, Vector?"

"Actually, try saving yourself first. Honestly, Snape," she rolled her eyes at him. "And you are right. You are not safe and neither is your owl as I am presently in your office. I guess I should go and, er, drink some blood. Unfortunately, that means you can prepare the vials yourself. As for me…it's feeding time," Vector pointed out sarcastically.

Professor Vector turned on her heel and headed for her rooms. Snape smirking, walked over to his cauldron.


	20. Chapter 20: A Fleeting Exchange

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 20: A Fleeting Exchange**

"How do I look?"

"Lovely," said Aurora Sinistra.

"Thank you," Septima smiled shyly.

"I can't believe him...The Leaky Cauldron…really?"

"Yes," replied Septima. "I guess some concessions were made after what he has put me through."

"Septima…"

"Yes?"

"Nothing," replied Aurora coyly.

Septima grabbed a package, waved to her friend, and headed for the door.

The Leaky Cauldron was smoky and filled with all types of magical folk. Septima excused herself amongst the many robes as she traveled to the tables in the back of the establishment. Through a sea of robes, she looked around and started walking over to a table.

"Hello, Severus," she said brightly.

"Good evening, Vector," said Snape lazily.

Septima sat down as he waved his hand and pointed to a chair across from him.

"I would like to thank you for inviting me to dinner, Severus,' said Septima warmly.

Snape nodded.

"I would like to give you your gift for the grab bag," Septima eagerly pulled a gift from insider her robe pocket.

"I have yours as well." Snape slowly pulled out a parcel and placed it in front of her.

"You may as well open yours, Vector. I myself would prefer to open mine later," said Snape.

"Alright, Severus," said Septima teasingly.

Professor Vector tore at the green and silver wrapping paper and looked down at a book.

She slowly raised her head and shot Snape a deadly look.

"You bloody moron…" Septima gave Snape another filthy look.

In her hand was "Magical Makeover: Putting Your Best Claw Forward (Hag's Edition.)

"I can not gather your meaning. You can not venture to guess how hard this was to come by," said Snape innocently. However, he had blocked all memories of Lockhart's book signing to the best of his abilities with occlumency, "Foolish of me to expect any gratitude from you, Vector."

Septima's jaw dropped instantly and she goggled at him.

"The audacity, Snape…"

"Why should I not try and help you, Vector? This gift is highly useful, practical, and can assist you. I am quite pleased with my selection," said Snape matter-of-factly.

"I should have known. And here I was thinking that maybe…"

"Why not work with your flaws?" offered Snape, shrugging slowly. "I have another surprise for you as well. In fact, not really a surprise because I had mentioned it before, I do keep my promises, Vector," said Snape silkily.

Professor Vector narrowed her eyes at Snape and then opened them rather widely.

Snape had motioned to a friend and invited him to sit down with them.

"Professor Vector, this is Sanguini. I will leave you two alone a moment."


	21. Chapter 21: A Show Of Gratitude

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 21: A Show Of Gratitude**

Professor Vector smiled weakly at Sanguini, excused herself, and walked over to the corner of the bar where Snape was standing.

"Missing me already, Vector? I will be back in a moment." Snape wore a venomous smile and appeared to watch Professor Vector's reaction closely.

"Snape," said Professor Vector, trying to control the level of her voice from rising, "you have ten seconds to get the bloody vampire away from me."

"Really, Vector," tutted Snape, "I have just introduced you to one of your kind. Sanguini will think you are quite rude if I intervene."

"He keeps staring at me, Snape." Professor Vector looked very quickly over her shoulder at the table where a very pale and rail thin man in black sat patiently.

"But of course. He rarely meets eligible, er, young, unmarried ladies. Especially, I might remind you, those of both your kind."

Septima balled her fists. Her face went from pink to radish red. She turned on her heel and headed back to the table.

When she reached the table, she picked up her charmingly wrapped gift to Snape and her glass of gillywater. It was then that she marched back over to where Snape was standing.

"Here is your gift, you fool." She shoved the parcel into his chest and he slowly grabbed it with both of his hands. "This is it! I am telling Dumbledore that we need to re-evaluate how one selects from the Sorting Hat for the grab bag next holiday."

Snape sneered and looked down at the package without saying a word.

Snape looked slowly up at Vector through the black curtains of hair that fell into his eyes and broke the silence.

"Well, you are exceedingly rude, Vector. What do you wish for me to say to Sanguini?"

"He'll get over it. There are other vampires in the sea, er, in the forest. No need to fret. Go talk to him. You have a lot in common. You've both been lonely for ages. Give him some advice on how to cope, Snape. You WOULD know. Mingling with humans is something the both of you have trouble with."

Snape looked about to burst. Septima wondered if she had verbally hit a nerve.

"Oh, by the way…here's your drink back too." Vector raised the glass of gillywater and threw it right into Snape's face.

Unfortunately, she didn't wait around to see the consequences of her actions.

Vector slammed the glass on the counter, ignored the curious stares of the patrons who were witnesses that evening, and exited quickly through the door.


	22. Chapter 22: An Interesting Development

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 22: An Interesting Development**

It was then that Septima knew she had gone too far.

Snape was probably going to kill her.

Actually, he didn't kill her, but things got worse. She could never have foreseen the events that would very shortly happen to her.

Septima Vector had marched straight from the pub back to Hogwarts and went immediately to talk to her friend Aurora in her rooms. She could have apparated halfway home, but she was livid and needed some time to think. Also, she feared for her life and wished to enjoy what she believed to be her last walk through the grounds of the Hogwarts that she loved and that had been her home for the past few years.

"Why, oh, why did you throw a drink in his face? Have you seen too many muggle movies? You are my best friend, my only friend, Septima, and I should hate to lose you. I will mourn your passing, my dear friend."

The two women hugged as the tears came rolling down their eyes.

"I know, I know. I was just so mad at him. We must stop crying. You can have my gobstones collection. I have been collecting them since my second year at the Welsh Wizarding Academy."

"The git, why would he do such a thing?...inviting Sanguini, of all things. As if the hag and vampire accusations weren't enough. Septima, what happened to Snape's gift?"

"I---I gave it to him. Uh, more like threw it at him, er, before the drink in the face."

"What type of drink was it?"

"Gillywater…bit of sugar…yellow umbrella. Just like dear old Filius Flitwick likes. I will have to visit him once more time as well before my untimely demise."

"Good, extra sticky. Too bad the umbrella didn't poke him in the eye too."

"It might have, Aurora. I didn't stay for the aftermath. I am sure when he returns we will find out."

Septima sighed and walked over to a window, peered out, and once more turned to her friend.

"Can you believe this, Aurora? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why is Merlin laughing at me? And I thought…I gave him a 50 galleon gift certificate to Flourish and Blotts and this is what the blasted bat does to me! Why invite me to dinner at all? I should have known. But after the bluebells, I hate to admit it…but I noticed a profound change in him. Aurora, a year or so ago he would never have done it. He would rather die first. He would rather bestow a compliment on Gilderoy Lockhart. It could have taken him all day to find a grab bag gift, but he would have found anything to insult me. Surely, not present me with a bouquet of flowers."

"Septima, did you ever think, perhaps, that Severus does not hate you as much as you think?" Aurora said hesitantly, not looking her friend in the eye.

"No, never…er, ever…never."


	23. Chapter 23: Pet Peeves

**A Gift For A Hag**

Thank you for the reviews, alerts, & favorites! A GIFT FOR A HAG is going to take a bit of a break for a little while, so this is sort of the last chapter. I need to check my notes and rework some stuff but I assure you that Snape's grab bag obligations are far from over. Check out the review page for HAG and I went into a little more detail there. Also, if you liked Chapter 19: The Kiss, in my other Snapefic, A SECRET ADMIRER, then I think the last chapter of HAG will not disappoint. Ok, on with the fic…

Thanks so much,

Galleons

**Chapter 23: PET PEEVES**

Septima opened the door and left Aurora's rooms. She could barely open it. Her body felt like dead weight, as if all her strength had left her. She ventured out into the spiral staircase once more and climbed down the stairs. Her legs felt like lead and she thought she would never reach the passage that lead to the usually empty corridor. It would lead her back to the Great Hall and eventually her own quarters.

As she trudged in the hallway, she noticed Peeves floating alongside her. The blasted poltergeist, for she wished to refrain from using more colorful language, seemed to appear out of thin air. His voice mocked and teased her as she quickened her steps.

"Haggy Waggy, face is saggy! Haggy Waggy…"

"GET LOST, PEEVES!" she thundered.

"Haggy Waggy, Haggy Waggy, Haggy….OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Peeves stopped abruptly and when Septima looked up, she realized that Snape was walking towards her. In the narrow corridor, there was no way she could avoid him without speaking. On the contrary, this was one evening that she wished to have a word or two with him.

As Professor Snape approached her, she saw his face contort with rage. She also noticed that the sugary drink she threw at him had gotten into his hair. Unbeknownst to him, one side of his black hair was sticking up like the Bride of Frankenstein.

Septima felt all of her frustration building up and she knew she had to take it out on someone, and that person would also happen to be the source of her woes.

She willed herself not to tear or cry in front of him. The feeling soon passed. She was preparing to rage at him. _He will not torment me…of all nights_, she vowed.

She walked brusquely toward him and shoved him with all her might. This time he moved a little. Not enough for her liking. She hauled off and punched him in the nose. Snape slowly raised his hand to his face, raised an eyebrow, and looked at her intensely. His hair was still standing on end from the gillywater to the face.

"The bluebells were lovely for the last grab bag. And I thought…what…ever possessed you?" Septima paused on that note. Realization hit her and she continued.

"All right forget that. Why, oh, WHY, a book on hags?" she implored hysterically. "Now, not only am I a hag… BUT NOT EVEN A VERY GOOD ONE! Magical Makeover? Putting Your Best _Claw_ Forward? HAG'S EDITION???"

It was then that Peeves chimed in. Unfortunately, he came bearing insults and much more. In his hand and soon over their heads was a strand of mistletoe taken quite possibly from anywhere in the castle. Dumbledore's favorite holiday was Christmas.

Snape merely looked at her and blinked. It took him a few seconds for the mistletoe and their precarious position under it to register. When he had his bearings, he placed both hands on her shoulders, pulled her to him, and kissed her on the lips.

It was short, but frightening for Vector, nonetheless.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!!! PHHHOOO!" Horrendous sounds of disgust were released from Professor Vector's mouth. She spit delicately onto the floor trying to release the contaminated saliva from her mouth.

When she stopped, after a spell, her face had turned slightly green and she looked about to faint, not from ardor, however. She grabbed a wooden sconce on the wall for support.

"OH, Snapey Wapey… Kissy Wissy…Haggy Waggy!" jeered Peeves repeatedly. His taunts grew louder and louder until Snape finally cut in.

His face was death.

"If you tell a living soul or even a departed one for that matter, the Bloody Baron will be hearing from me. _Personally. _He has not been informed yet of your escapades and what you did in the Astronomy Tower that you know he frequents often. Better yet, I just may go so far… and against my better judgment, and have a word with Professor Sinistra. Her classes are in the Tower and she has been trying to find out who the culprit is, and just _you_ try dealing with her for extended periods of time. You do not want me as your enemy, Peeves, _remember…"_

Peeves halted and looked terrified. "Yes, Sniv…I mean, sir." Peeves twirled in the air a few times and then floated away.

Snape turned to Professor Vector and seemed to shake with fury and disgust with himself… and possibly her.

"For your information, Dumbledore has enchanted the mistletoe so that anyone with the utter misfortune to be ensnared underneath it must kiss the person next to them, so as not to be rude. The Headmaster, as you know, can be…"

"Why, WHY must I explain anything to you? HOGWARTS RULES, VECTOR! HOGWARTS RULES! I DO NOT BREAK THEM! I AM NOT POTTER!" shouted Snape beside himself and baring his teeth.

Snape looked visibly white as a ghost and turned on his heel fleeing, his black cloak billowing behind him.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	24. Chapter 24: The Sorting Hat Has Spoken

**A GIFT FOR A HAG**

**Chapter 24: The Sorting Hat Has Spoken**

_6:58 p.m. – Hogwarts – The week before Valentine's Day_

"Don't try to make me feel better. You know it's true. It is inevitable. It is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it. Almost three years…." Professor Vector panicked and wrung her hands.

"There, there, Mia, it'll be all right. They say three is a charm, I bet you just need to break the cycle and I'm sure next year…er, I mean this year things will be different," offered Professor Sinistra with a small smile.

"Oh, not you too, Aurora? You know they're all laughing. Who else's name would I draw?" Septima fretted.

"How about the many others that work here and participate?" asked Sinistra.

"I would thank Merlin on bended knee if it were true. That would be wonderful…oh, why Aurora, but why not my cheek?"

"I couldn't say Septima. He's very strange…a very strange man indeed."

"Oh, Merlin everyone is here already," yelped Septima.

"Not yet, look around. Severus isn't here yet."

"Good. Any chance he won't participate this year?"

"Well, highly doubtful that Dumbledore would allow him not to."

"Where in our contract does it say that someone is obligated to?" questioned Septima.

"His contract, er, obligations might be a bit different than ours…"responded Aurora mysteriously.

"Oh, Merlin everybody is here! I can't go in. They will laugh their bloody arses off!"

"Septima, shush. They are probably more concerned about themselves and hoping that they don't draw his name or that he doesn't pull theirs either. I know I am. You know the staff isn't like that, good-natured ribbing, Mia, that's about all. They think he is a bloody fool, not you."

"No, I can't bear it. You know what the fool has put me through," replied Septima on the verge of tears.

"You have to, come on, it will be fun, and this year I will make it my business to go shopping with you."

_Dumbledore's Office_

"Good evening Professor Vector… Professor Sinsitra," those present boomed cheerily.

"Have we started? It is seven." Septima said to nobody in particular. She looked around at the joyous faces and her spirits rose. Snape was nowhere to be found.

Dumbledore entered the anteroom to his office.

"Please come in. The sorting hat is ready and we shall commence immediately."

"Regrettably, Professor Snape is busy this evening so he arranged to come earlier and has already made his selection. A worthy choice…though I can't reveal the name, of course," he beamed.

The staff, taking turns, went to a stool and placed the Sorting Hat on their head one at a time. When all were done a golden slip of paper would be given to them with their name on it that had burst forth from the hat. Within the slip was the name of the person they would purchase a gift for.

Professor Vector placed the hat on her head and sat down and waited not-so-patiently. It was first come, first serve, so most of the staff had gone before her.

The Sorting Hat read her thoughts and responded, "I will be merciful Professor Vector. No, I don't wish you ill will."

_7:10 p.m._

"Ok, when you see the gold puff of smoke it is time to open your papers and your Valentine's Day grab bag recipient's name shall be revealed," said Dumbledore airily.

Septima opened it and her jaw dropped in shock, then it retracted and dropped again. Her lip quivered as she fought back tears. She refused to look up and make eye contact with the people staring at her in alarm and with sympathy. She didn't have to tell anyone, her grave expression, said it all. They felt both sorry for her and yet relieved that they hadn't selected the name.

Professor Severus Snape

The teachers took their slip and disbursed. All but Professor Vector, whom Sinistra was trying to coax off of a chair because she was frozen in disbelief, just staring silently at her slip of paper.

Dumbledore beamed at Professor Vector, but his voice was soothingly sympathetic.

Before he walked over, he noticed the hat wanted a word with him, so he replaced his wizard's hat with that of the Sorting Hat on his head. He paid attention for a minute and then nodded and took the Sorting Hat off of his head and placed it back where it rested.

He walked over to Professor Vector and addressed her.

"And no, Professor Vector," he patted her arm, "the Sorting Hat is random. He wants to insist and make very clear to you that he is not trying to ruin you or your life."

"Let's go, Mia, back to the Astronomy Tower."

"Excellent, I can throw myself off, give the Baron the heads up first though," offered Septima sarcastically.

"No, don't be silly, that's not funny. I have that unopened bottle of Ogden's and I have been waiting for an, er, occasion. This seems good a time as any."


	25. Chapter 25: My Cunning Valentine

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 25: My Cunning Valentine**

Last season, another successful holiday grab bag at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had been had…for the most part.

Unfortunately, it cannot be said for Professor Snape and Professor Vector.

Valentine's Day was approaching yet again and the professors feared the inevitable gift-giving obligations that hung over their heads and…each other.

_**The Dungeons – Professor Snape's Office…on the verge of a breakdown…**_

…_HAD…CHOSEN…VECTOR'S…NAME…AGAIN…_

Silence in the dungeons…

And a seething, near manic, Potions Master was at a loss for words because he was livid and experiencing what was quite possibly his first ever panic attack. His thoughts were jumbled, his mind raced, and it was very unlike him.

That and his throat was dry and his voice hoarse after cursing the Sorting Hat and Dumbledore and Vector and Lockhart, just because he despised him heartily, for an hour or two while pacing frenetically, unsure of how he should handle this debacle yet again. And then he had cursed Peeves for an additional hour which made him quite put out this evening.

_How had he once again been lured into Dumbledore's foolish staff socializing ventures?_

He didn't want to partake in _anything _of a holiday nature, which at its very essence was unsettling and revolted him. And he was sure nobody else but Dumbledore or that sentimental and simpering fool Hagrid wanted him too either. Yet he had got sucked in and trapped _again_. He was seriously starting to consider that the Dark Lord might be more sympathetic to his anti-social plight than the Headmaster that he had served, gave the best years of his life to in that service, and risked everything for. Surely, allowing Snape to have some peace of mind was clearly _too _much to ask in return for all of his sacrifices.

And before returning to the dungeons, he had insisted to the Headmaster that he be allowed to have a word with the Sorting hat…privately. Dumbledore, noticing that Snape had a hand in the pocket were he believed he kept his wand, claimed that the Sorting Hat needed to rest before all of the Hogwarts staff drew names at 7:00…they did have a rather large staff.

"I will return in one hour. Hopefully, the Hat will be well rested and in good spirits after having ruined my life yet again, and then perhaps will be more than willing to submit to questioning," he had told Dumbledore in a low, waspish voice, as he willed himself to exercise some sort of outward self-control.

And he had returned in exactly one hour and the Sorting Hat was still unavailable when Professor Snape called on it, or rather yelled through the door where it was "resting."

Professor Snape placed a hand on his throbbing temple and sat down at this desk.

_Throwing what was very near a temper tantrum in the Headmaster's office like the time I had lost the Order of Merlin and demanding that Dumbledore force the Sorting Hat to allow me to make another selection as a special consideration in the face of personal crisis did not help…_

_Telling Dumbledore that for the past few grab bags I had only been trying to help Vector was lost on him…regrettably the Headmaster was getting on in years._

Dumbledore had advised him that this year he should seek out something more suitable for Professor Vector. He had disagreed with former gifts such as the cockroach clusters, blood lollipops, hag literature like "Magical Makeover: Putting Your Best Claw Forward (Hag's Edition) and attempting to fix up Vector with Sanguini the vampire.

He believed, to use his words, "…that insinuating such things about a lovely woman in the flower of her youth, like our dear, sweet, undeniably beautiful Professor Septima Vector was preposterous."

Snape wished to shout from the top of the Astronomy Tower, "but Headmaster you don't _truly _know her," but it was probably a moot point. Also that the Headmaster was apparently getting on in years so a homely face like Vector's would appear to him as beautiful because 28 was far away from Dumbledore's current age. Perhaps the hag brought on a bit of nostalgia to an aging headmaster? Snape, however, was not fooled so easily.

Snape scowled thinking about their earlier exchange. He wondered how in the hell he could face Vector after he had chosen her once again. He thought of where he could possibly go shopping for another gift for a troublesome hag and was at a loss for options. He dreaded that the staff would surely know by this evening because secrets had a very short shelf-life in this school. A vein continued to throb at his temple as he remembered the bluebells…and how he was teased as the staff believed he was harboring a secret, passionate love for Vector because he gave her flowers after finding nothing in either Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. Well, the Headmaster had told him that blood lollipops were no longer a viable option and other items had to be over looked because they might even cause her pain, embarrassment, or slight disfigurement if used improperly.

Snape concentrated very hard and tried to remember where he had put his calming draught.

And then Dumbledore had done the unthinkable…truly Snape would _never_ forgive him.

"Professor Snape, before you leave, it was brought to my attention that last Christmas, mistletoe was provided and you gave Professor Vector a kiss on the lips. I would think it is a step in the right direction. How will you top that this year? I believe the staff would like to know, but I will not answer for you on such a personal matter. Good night, Severus."

He had opened his eyes wide in shock. His thin cheeks burned a blotchy red and he stammered something, turned on his heel, and swept off to the dungeons in horror.

_Peeves and the Sorting Hat would pay. Dragon pox on both of them! And how dare the Headmaster remind him! And how in the world did the staff know! He was sure that Vector would never admit that to anybody!_

This was the last time, the very last. The last grab bag he would ever participate in. He would go to Hogsmeade first and buy the first blasted thing that he saw. And perhaps he could research a spell or potion in which one could confound oneself following the aftermath of a truly traumatic event?


	26. Chapter 26: The Ban on Valentine's Day

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 26: The Ban on Valentine's Day**

Professor Vector was grabbing her cloak and readying herself to leave when a thought occurred to her.

_What in the hell am I going to purchase him? _

She was on her way to Hogsmeade, stealthily and very early, so she would not run into him before she left the castle.

What did one purchase for someone that had an aversion to anything that had something to do with Valentine's Day or any holiday for that matter?

She knew firsthand but what could she really say to Dumbledore? Snape should have told him that he didn't want to participate and that the Sorting Hat should never include him.

_I mean, there can't be a very small clause in the Hogwarts contract that one has to participate._

_If Dumbledore knew how much he hated the holiday, maybe he would reconsider?_

_**Two Years Ago…the Arithmancy office...**_

The two first year students walked into my office looking slightly disturbed.

"What seems to be the trouble?" I asked.

"Professor Snape," answered one of the first years.

When is he not? I thought glumly.

"Well, why are you not at the Great Hall enjoying the Valentine's Day festivities?" I had to ask. Obviously, at that point in time I still thought it was a good idea too, because the staff hadn't exchanged grab bag gifts yet.

"We want to, but I am supposed to see Professor Snape about work from when I was sick and Michael should be in detention with him, but he is not answering the door at his office."

"We keep knocking but it is no use," replied the other student.

"Maybe he is not there?" I lied.

"No, he is. Charlotte saw him enter his office an hour ago."

"Why would he not answer the door? Hmm…perhaps he flooed because something urgent came up?"

The children shrugged.

I said nothing. Snape was a jackass and that was not their fault.

But I felt sorry for them because I knew they were nervous about what would happen if he was there and they failed to show on time. I, er, experienced this dilemma myself from time to time.

"Go to the feast in the Great Hall. I will try to contact Professor Snape and then I will send someone to fetch you."

"Yes Professor Vector."

I flooed over to the git's office and found him sitting at his desk marking parchment.

He looked up at me with a cold dismissive glance and then ignored me and went back to his work.

Surprisingly, he did not hex me for intruding or what he called failing to enter without an appointment.

"Snape, did you not hear the students pounding on your office door?"

"No. I heard." His tone was matter of fact.

"Er, what? Why didn't you answer them?"

Snape put down his quill and slowly looked up at me as if I were the biggest fool imaginable. He pointed a long white finger at a wooden calendar on a shelf near his desk. "Do you realize the date, Vector?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. It is February 14th, is it not?" I informed him puzzled.

"Precisely. Excellent, Vector! Now if you could just recall what year it is, I would say that you are making progress," he announced sardonically.

"Very funny, Severus," I retorted.

For some reason, his eyes glimmered evilly when I said his name. I usually called him _Snape. _I suppose that was the way the bottomless pools of darkness conveyed surprise.

"Not to mention that by the looks of your friend Sinistra's get-up at lunch, she has no concept of what year it is either."

"Leave her out of it, Snape. I heard her at Hogwarts Choir practice and she is making progress!" I shouted in annoyance. "And it is not encouraging to her that your owl, Charon, showed up at practice with earplugs, just so you know!"

"My pleasure," he smirked.

And I didn't know if the bloody moron meant he would stop criticizing her or that he knew about the earplugs.

"So, although you are usually holed up in your office…why have you locked the door and decided you will not answer any knocks?"

"I wish not to be disturbed…obviously," he rolled his eyes at me. "Oh, I will be sending you your grab bag gift tomorrow, of course, because the staff decided that it was easier to do it on the Saturday after the actual holiday. I hope you were not alarmed, Vector."

"Of course not." Merlin only knew what he had in store for me this year. Little did I know that the fool would actually give me flowers.

"However, I do not intend to venture out of this office until then, because it's tomorrow."

"What is tomorrow otherwise?" I wasn't sure exactly what he meant.

Snape sighed in exasperation. "I retract my statement regarding you earlier. It is also the 15th," said Snape impatiently.

"What about the 15th?" I quickly skimmed through the school calendar mentally wondering if something else was also going on.

"It is _truly_ the end of Valentine's Day. Are you daft?"

"And what, pray tell, besides the fact that you are an uncaring, unfeeling lout, do you have against Valentine's Day." How dare he call me daft!

"A most unnatural holiday, I would imagine, Vector. I absolutely refuse to participate with the rest of you fools," snapped Snape. "Oh, yes, I will fulfill my grab bag obligation but that is about all."

"Tell Dumbledore you do not wish to participate then." I egged him on.

"It is not…that simple really, Vector," he looked morose. "We have an…ah, understanding…"

"About the grab bag?" I made a face. Perhaps I could develop an _understanding_ with the Sorting Hat so Snape would never ever draw my name again?

He ignored me.

"Have you ever, er, had a valentine, Snape?" I had to ask, and did it so sweetly I sometimes got away with stuff.

"No, nor do I ever intend to," grimaced Snape looking quite ill.

"Have you?" he looked at me strangely. And I believed he was entering interrogation mode.

"Does a boy in my fifth year count? He was sick and threw up on the flowers."

"No, Vector, perhaps not? However… what about the _old boyfriend from Wales_?" And his voice dripped venom and something else…

He stared at me with the oddest expression and for a moment I forgot to think about _how in the hell he knew about that!_ But when I did…

"How do you know?" I played dumb. I knew.

"Sinistra, but no matter."

I said nothing because Aurora told me that my ex was in Hogsmeade on holiday and has been asking about me.

I also found out, through Aurora who had been there, that somehow in a pub Snape had been sitting with Lucius Malfoy and my ex had been conversing with some acquaintances in the pub and had met Snape because he heard he was a professor and had asked Snape about me. Snape told him that the girl he described didn't work at Hogwarts because from his description nobody that was pretty and very good at their job presently held an Arithmancy post at Hogwarts. Vector, he could only gather, had to be a common name in Wales.

The evil…nasty…! And my father is English and moved us there because my mother wished to be closer to her parents…

Not that I was interested in having my ex back, which was why Aurora had avoided him, but still….

"Oh, perhaps I should remind you that you _confirmed _I don't work here. Why is that?"

"My mistake, I have been known to err on occasion. You didn't fit his description," said Snape smoothly.

I dropped it, but noted the look of…was it… _pleasure _on his face?

Of course, he gained enjoyment from ruining my life. He was mad!

"And might I add that just because the Sorting Hat has assigned me your name for the grab bag in the past, I don't consider you to be my valentine, or anyone else for that matter."

"Quite right, who will have you?" I mumbled to myself.

"Speak up, Vector," said Snape impatiently.

"Nothing. So…what is it that irks you so regarding Valentine's Day?" I was curious even though I had my suspicions.

"I never cared for it and this continued right up until… that blasted fool, Lockhart….No, I utterly detest such goings-on. I will not leave this office until it is quite through." Snape said with finality, yet looked quite agitated.

Some people fear Voldemort, others fear dementors or inferi, dragons and such. But it occurred to me that Snape feared Valentine's Day just as much if not more. I tried to stop an onslaught of laughter that I feared would burst forth from my mouth. I did the best I could.

There really _was s_omething wrong with him. You just can't argue with an insane person.

"So, that is what this is about?" (giggle) I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me. Snape gave me a piercing look so I continued. "Can't you just ignore him? If he can't cast a single spell, as you heartily claim to anyone that will listen, Snape, than he certainly is no match for you…oh, loyal devotee of the Dark Arts?" It was a bit rich, but then again I wasn't a grown man hiding from Valentine's Day barricaded in my office. I was teasing him, however, Severus didn't seem to find this as highly amusing as I did.

"Vector, I respect the Dark Arts…I do not love them. And yes, I can ignore him but he just appears somewhere and insists that he was my superior in the Dueling Club." His face was murderous. "McGonagall and Flitwick try to ignore him as well, and how does that appear to be going? Lockhart…and Valentine's Day can never seem to leave _us _in peace."

"Really, Snape, I know they are no fans of Gilderoy, but really, how bad could it have been? I heard something about the year he was at Hogwarts for that holiday."

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow evilly. It was quite scary and I was a little taken aback for a moment there. "Would you really care to know?" has asked slowly.

"Yes I would," I replied.

"Well, I shall show you then. Please stand over here, Vector. This will take awhile."


	27. Chapter 27: Pink is the Color of Spite

**A Gift for a Hag**

**Chapter 27: Pink is the Color of Spite**

The trip through the pensieve was disconcerting. I had heard of such magical devices but had never seen one. They were rare and usually passed down among upper class wizarding families or those fortunate to obtain them by some means. I didn't want to know how Snape had managed to acquire a pensieve. When he didn't offer any information I decided not to ask.

I blinked a few times as I entered the memory and turned to Snape. However, he ignored me and was looking ahead at the Severus Snape from his past memory.

Severus Snape from the memory was standing at the entrance to the Great Hall. A few students who were entering through the double doors behind him, cautiously managed to not make any accidental physical contact with their Potions Master. From Snape's expression it wasn't difficult to discern why.

The murderous scowl which appeared on his face was not new to me, only intensified. What Snape did next, however, was truly unnerving from the memory. He did not move. I believe the shock of the recently decorated and riotously pink-hued Great Hall was too much for him and he seemed fixated on what he observed. After a long moment's pause, Snape from the memory seemed to collect himself and he took his place quickly at the teacher's table looking morose and still in a state of shock. As he stepped onto the dais and sat down, I thought his chair was a goner.

The Snape now standing next to me wore a similar scowl, but I turned from him to look at the sight I could barely take in myself.

What I first noticed was that many things in the Great Hall were now pink. The ugliest shade of pink I had ever seen. It assaulted one's senses, and not in a pleasant way.

And then I worried because Snape was mumbling to himself…

"Thank Merlin, you hardly ever wear pink, Vector. I don't like you in pink and…"

What the _hell? _Was he ok? And since when did the bloody moron start keeping tabs on my clothing again?

I averted looking at him and I took in the room again. Abundant and unusually large hot pink roses were blooming from the walls where they sprung. They managed to drop petals on the students that tried with difficulty to navigate their way around them to finally reach their House table. The petals, I noted, had to be the size of a fist.

The Snape at the table and the one next to me looked undeniably physically ill. They had no choice but to observe the room. Horror-struck yet there was fear mingled with fascination. A wry smirk and narrowing eyes graced the countenance of the Snape at my side as the dark eyes glared menacingly at a giddy Gilderoy Lockhart who had just entered the Great Hall wearing blushing pink robes.

I saw Snape's billowing black robes move slightly.

"Er, I may not know much about these pensieve things, Severus, but I believe it may be too late to trip him."

Snape shifted his black boot in and sighed softly in resignation. His black robes still once more.

He looked down at me from his great height and said nothing. And then he turned casually back to the Great Hall. I saw Snape's hand twitch near a pocket of his robe that concealed his wand.

"Snape, _again _it is a pensieve memory. Surely you realized by now that…" I started without finishing as he slowly looked at me again, now in agitation, and yet said nothing.

Clearly he became overwrought as he relived his memory and forgot that time and distance had separated him from the foolishness of Lockhart.

Dear Merlin, the bloody moron was traumatized! I felt sorry for him. Of course he would never admit it to me. But how could an apparently speechless Snape do so anyway? The asshole was now nearly catatonic!

The silence continued.

I turned away to look at the teacher's table and misery was ever present there as well.

Heart-shaped and dove-shaped confetti in many shades of pink flowed freely from the pale blue ceiling of the Great Hall in profusion and apparently without any signs of stopping.

Professor Flitwick quietly ate his lunch and merely spooned around the confetti that fell continuously into his soup bowl.

Dumbledore was grinning and casually pinned a pink rose to his robes as a makeshift boutonniere. McGongall grimaced and looked as murderous as both of the Snapes. Her eyes flashed as she sipped stiffly from her teacup. I noticed that she made no secret of the fact that she was calculating the distance between her and Lockhart as she fiddled with her teacup.

Snape also sat noiselessly at the table in the Great Hall. He smoothed a hand through his long black hair and then stared down at his confetti-filled palm. Confetti moved down to his robes and the process began again. He had given up trying to keep any food down even though he tended to eat very little. His hair was so dark the confetti was much more noticeable on his person than anyone else. The Snape beside me seemed to be aware of this too as I saw his jaw tighten against his pale cheek.

I wanted to add that the grease didn't help any but I kept myself in check.

Snape finally spoke with effort. "You do realize how fortunate he was that very soon after this he entered St. Mungo's. Not on my account, regrettably…very lucky fellow…" Snape appeared to be speaking more to himself.

I knew he was sensitive about the day Lockhart brought Valentine's Day to Hogwarts. However, there was still more to see of this memory.

I saw Minerva had rose with concern and gave a knowing look to Sprout and Hooch to assist her in lifting Professor Flitwick out of his chair before he was buried alive in pink confetti.

Hagrid had rose to and shook off some confetti much as his boarhound Fang would shake off water. Some passing students received a showering of confetti to the face.

Even Trelawny who usually ate a little bit of everything, had pushed her food and plate away in frustration but continued to drink.

We both continued to watch a livid pensieve Snape turning whiter with rage as the pink confetti continued to fall, attempting suffocation on all of the inhabitants of the Great Hall.

It was then that Lockhart addressed the Hall.

"Why am I even sharing this with…" mumbled Snape as he caught himself. "This ridiculous, blasted fool…"

"Will you please calm down, Snape?" I noticed his wand hand flex and make a fist once more.

"Oh, dear Merlin, he _did."_ I pressed a hand to my head.

I saw Lockhart enthusiastically suggest that students would be able to ask Professor Snape for various love potions. Snape from the memory looked murderous still and even though it was a memory it was unnerving to witness.

It was when Flitwick was called a "sly, old dog" that I intervened.

"Okay, Snape. You win. No more. Please." I said with difficulty.

"Enough, Vector?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "Well, not quite the end yet, we are now moving to my classroom."

We followed memory Snape out of the Great Hall as he glided quicker than usual to the dungeons.

"Professor, do you really have in stock…" asked an unwise first year.

Snape from the pensieve, whose look clearly said "you should be taken out and done away with," walked on as the student reared back and ran away mid-sentence. This Snape dared any student in the vicinity with his eyes to approach him about procuring a love potion. After several eyewitness accounts rippled down the hallway, no one else did. Snape also had told a student nearest him that the next person who asked for a love potion would serve detention with him…for a month and possibly more if he felt like it.

Snape turned to me and said softly, "I suppose that _you, _the epitome of dunderheads, think my actions were reprehensible?"

"Er, no, not today," I offered. Snape eyed me curiously as we approached a Potions double that day. It was a first. We finally had agreed on something. I decided not to complicate things further by pointing that out.

However, I was soon taken aback by the sight of dwarves in gold cherub wings…that were singing, er, _very _badly. I refused, absolutely, to enter the classroom in his memory.

"Don't worry, Vector, they didn't stay very long," offered Snape mysteriously.

"Well, what the hell did you do to them?"

He gave me a lingering look and then said nothing.

"Right. Forget it, I don't want to know. Professor, I have seen enough. I wish to leave the pensieve memory _now,_" I insisted in desperation.

"Fascinating, Vector," Snape smirked. "Have you had enough of this delightful holiday memory?" Snape sing-songed sarcastically. "Very well then, I now wish to leave as well. Let's return to my office."

Not exactly the place I wished to be but anything was preferable to this.


	28. Chapter 28: Candlelit Git

**A Gift For a Hag**

**Chapter 28: Candlelit Git**

Professor Snape reached Hogsmeade on a cold and blustery winter day.

He had no idea as to where to start looking for the gift for the hag.

The thought then occurred to him to perhaps let history repeat itself somewhat and start retracing his steps.

_Yes…carrying out deeds and espionage for the Dark Lord was considerably easier…_

It was still early on Saturday. The visitors and locals of Hogsmeade had not risen yet.

He believed inferi couldn't frighten him off worse today than…_them._

_Good._

His long, black travelling cloak rippled in the wind as he looked at the pink…the pink and very pretty tea shop in front of him.

He cursed himself silently and with disgust that this particular description crossed his mind.

He believed the proprietor had once said something to that effect to him one grab bag year and he still was revolted.

His boots as he strode made a crunching sound, as the snow fell to the ground.

He reached the door to the tea shop and opened it hesitantly, the tinkling of bells greeting him as he entered.

He was prepared this time. His plan would be perfectly executed. He still had control…

The shop was closed to patrons. It was too early. People were either fast asleep in their warm and cozy beds with a loved one, or breakfasting at a table, chatting animatedly about their week at home.

Er, not him.

He had no one. He never had. He was now forced to enter Madam Puddifoot's to acquire another gift for an irksome hag.

He thought quickly about his life. He had never imagined it would come to this.

He glided over to the counter, relieved that no patrons were there.

He withdrew his wand and thought the spell…he was ready…

_Protego…_

He was now at the counter, standing under the cupids, as pink heart-shaped confetti and silver glitter fell…and as a highly potent yet artful shield charm was cast..

The confetti was now round him…but nowhere near him, although the cupids gave him a shocked look and the force of his spell had confetti and glitter blast a bit further away and with a force that he hadn't wished.

He was about the _evanesco_ the huge pile of confetti that had landed in a corner as fallout but decided that now that Madam Puddifoot was approaching the counter from her back room to speak to him, it was highly imprudent.

He deftly put his wand back into the inside of his cloak.

_Wouldn't due to frighten her…_

"Good morning, Madam," he figured it would better serve his cause to be polite. The last time he had seen her he had insulted Lockhart, her store, and Valentine's Day.

He had also caused a scene when Potter gave him a look very much like his father's when he entered the store with his unfortunate Valentine, a misguided girl named Miss Chang.

And the worst of it…_never…ever…insult Celestina Warbeck…in front of a woman._

He had. He would have to be gracious towards her now.

_Pity._

And there was a pause, where one would naturally expect to hear, "good morning," back.

It never happened.

"Humph…and what can I possibly do for you, _sir_?" Madam Puddifoot scoffed.

Snape was taken aback. He hadn't expected this but he was not surprised either.

He wasn't that daft.

"I wish to procure a gift certificate for a grab bag." He said softly and with more calm in his delivery than last time.

"_Sure."_The witch cracked sarcastically and gave an equally sarcastic snort of laughter.

"No really, I must." Snape was firm.

"For Miss Vector?' Her eyes were wide and her arms were crossed across her chest.

"Why yes." _How did she know? _He was caught completely off guard.

"And am _I _to understand that you will not be accompanying her when she uses it?" She glared at him.

"Yes." The word was quiet.

"Well, then, which _vampire_ are you going to set her up with that she can bring along?" shouted Madam Puddifoot nastily. And she gave him another accusatory glare.

"Excuse me?" His face fell in disbelief.

"You _heard_ me, Professor Snape," thundered Madam Puddifoot, sounding very much like that Weasley woman at an Order meeting while becoming very angry with her awful twin boys, gathered Snape.

"I am not quite sure I understand…madam," said Snape rankled.

"You know _very well_ what I mean. And the answer is _no_. I wouldn't sell you a gift certificate to my store now if it meant closing down."

"Why is that, madam?" He said cautiously.

And as Snape spoke the words, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

She turned bright pink, very much in unison with the walls of her pink and very pretty teas shop.

Snape felt on onslaught of nausea.

"Because you, sir, have to be _the worst_ Valentine ever to set foot in my establishment…and trust me, I have seen it all. There is no husband, fiancé, boyfriend, lover, uh, you name it…that has ever acted so fiendish towards a lady that I have ever witnessed."

Snape could not fathom how she had heard of this.

And then he thought of the pubs, how gossipy the village was about Hogwarts news…

And regrettably he and Vector made a lot of _news_ from time to time.

_All her fault, of course…_

"How that poor woman purchased you a 50 galleon certificate to the Apothecary… and _that_ is what she gets for her troubles? The gall…the mean-spirited, audacious, cad-like…"

Snape had heard enough.

He would not be purchasing a gift for the hag here.

He believed he was banned.

And if it wasn't for the fact that he had just been verbally abused and threatened by a plump, old shopkeeper, he might have been relieved.

Just like he was banned for life from the Hog's Head by that crusty old barkeep…_who still looked so familiar to him…_

"Plus…I will not rent my rooms or offer a table reservation to a person or creature that gifts a poor, sweet girl with a book on how to make herself over as a hag. Perhaps Knockturn Alley is more to your liking, Professor Snape, a good day to you."

And she turned on her heel and fled to the back, and very swiftly for one so large.

But she had not said her last.

Snape heard her ranting through the closed door.

"Learn a thing or two…from Gilderoy Lockhart…how to treat a Valentine…Celestina is a fool, my behind…ashamed of himself."

"And you tell Miss Vector…should I ever have the honor of having her in my shop…that I would _love _for her to visit so I can give her a 50 galleon gift certificate…ON THE HOUSE! If she ever speaks to you again, that is!"

The gold cupids turned their backs on him and lifted their dainty pug-noses in the air.

Apparently, their time and their sweet-smelling pink heart-shaped confetti and silvery glitter was wasted on him.

He turned abruptly and bolted from the store.

His black robes billowed with the speed of his retreat.


	29. Chapter 29: How Sweet It, Er, Was

**A Gift For a Hag**

**Chapter 29: How Sweet It, Er, Was**

Professor Snape left the teashop in a silent fury that dulled slightly when he was once more in the cold of winter and his brain had began to function normally again.

Well, he supposed, it was a teashop where lovesick fools, teenagers, an utter fraud whose mum had named him _Gilderoy _of all things, (possibly, he gathered, to distract from the fact that he was a squib) and especially gossipy women congregated so they probably shared the latest Hogwarts gossip with the female proprietor who he had never fathomed could be quite a nasty piece of work.

_And she liked Gilderoy Lockhart…and she believed he was capable of casting a spell…_

If he had been cut a few breaks in life, and if he was less bitter, he might have felt a bit sorry for her.

He noted that it was still early but that a few people were about the village of Hogsmeade. He turned in the direction of another row of stores and noted that the shopkeepers, innkeepers, and barkeeps were beginning to open doors and signs were magically flipping themselves over in preparation of another day's business. It was a sight that distressed him for it signaled that patrons were now welcome.

And that now he could not work virtually undetected because very soon customers would be swarming Hogsmeade. His black eyes scanned his surroundings and he noted a few people beginning to dally around Hogsmeade.

Perhaps they were getting their morning stroll out of the way, procuring a copy of the Daily Prophet, breakfasting early with a loved one.

All worthless activities that he wouldn't be caught dead doing.

_As if he even had the time anymore…_he pondered bitterly.

But, he gathered, it was still too early for even the children to be thinking of eating candy.

He made his way towards Honeydukes.

And then he stopped.

And he took a long breath and continued on, regretting that he wouldn't be placing his usual orders on his tab.

Because this year…

(after many years of doing so for holidays, weekends, her birthdays, or just a random Tuesday because he felt like terrorizing her because she at least paid attention to him after she cursed him out and threw something at him and swore she'd never utter two words to his face as long as she lived.)

….he would not be purchasing for Vector any blood lollipops or cockroach clusters as was their tradition like in years past.

(Or two days ago.)

He sneered in evil glee and it helped him feel better, after his debacle with that crazed woman who apparently had been alone too long in her tea shop pining after a man who wore curlers, and wrote fiction, and who she, in her perpetually delusional state, believed was a wizard and the ideal valentine.

The snow was picking up and he heard only the crunching sound his black boots made on the ice and snow.

He walked toward the display windows of Honeydukes and paused, but his robes continued to ripple about in the air, the dark length of material cutting a striking contrast to the colorful window.

He noted that the window display had changed again for the holiday.

Last year the candy offerings had made a rainbow-hued waterfall. This year they were floating like shooting stars or birds travelling in a pattern for the warmer weather. Bright wrappers in a myriad of colors shimmered as they sped off in a cheerful procession while in flight.

If he was a nicer person, he might have deemed it sort of delightful.

But he wasn't.

Because as he turned the knob of the door and heard the twinkling bell sound that made his ears nearly bleed in annoyance and that caused him to twitch, cringe, and sneer simultaneously, only one thought crossed his mind.

_It wouldn't hurt to just look…_

He noted that the proprietor of Honeydukes was still in the backroom and the two employees hadn't noticed him because he walked swiftly to his favorite spot in the store, stealthily and without making a sound.

_There they were…in all their Vector-torturing glory…_

He noted that the packaging had changed for Valentine's Day.

The cockroach clusters were on red paper but instead of little black bowties, they had on pink cravats and pink top hats.

_Was Gilderoy Lockhart endorsing their Cockroach Clusters? _He had to ask himself in disgust as he rolled his eyes lamentably.

And next to them were blood lollipops and they looked the same. He sighed in relief. The red orb-shaped pops still had neat little bows that were tied over glittery paper.

Well, creatures of the night had to have valentines too, he supposed.

_Why, look at Vector…._

Er, not that she could _ever_ be or ever was in the running to be his valentine.

_Why, the very thought…_

He turned away and gathered that he had better talk to the owner now that he was currently at the front desk, and before patrons came in for the day and saw him in this Merlin-foresaken place.

They would think he was mad.

Or, madder than they already thought he was.

Professor Snape glided over to the counter and cleared his throat.

He didn't trust himself to speak the words he knew he had to.

Thankfully, the owner spoke first.

"Good morning, Professor Snape. I did receive the balance of the tab. Is something wrong?" He asked perplexed.

"No, not at all," replied Snape in a quiet voice.

"Why…er, professor, are you here then? Sorry, it's just that I usually do business with your owl. And I would also like to thank you personally for your, er, patronage. I was out of cockroach clusters for a week after your last order. Did you notice our new ones? The pink bowties and…"

"Yes." Snape said gravely."And they look familiar…has Gilderoy Lockhart…"

"No, but…"And the owner grinned sheepishly, thinking that if hags made the same assumption, he might sell out of those candies again this week. According to some, anything that was female adored Lockhart,

And he remembered himself and decided that he should assist his customer. His wife smiled at him as she whisked herself behind the counter and tied on an apron. Then she grimaced as she saw who her husband was talking to.

"What can I do for you, professor?"

Snape looked up and gave him a look of death. Not because he wished the man ill will or harm.

It was him that was dying.

"I wish to purchase…one of _those." _Professor Snape continued to glare at the owner in silence and did not face the same direction as his arm and hand was now.

Because, if he did look, he might just throw up in their store.

"Uh, surely not the…do you mean something else?" asked the owner wide-eyed and in astonishment. _Just when you thought you knew your clients for years…._

"Yes." Snape gulped in derision, hoping they hadn't noticed.

Snape believed that the pink, ruffled, and grotesque heart-shaped box, that he had finally steeled himself to glance at, had to be the most reviling thing he had ever laid eyes on….besides Professor Vector.

_But…it would have to do._

He worked for the Dark Lord. Perhaps he could find the courage to step it up.

_Damn Dumbledore….and Vector…._

He looked again and noted that the box had revolting pink, red, and gold roses, and was festooned with gaudy white lace. As if that wasn't enough of an assault on the senses and good taste, a fat cupid brandishing a golden bow and arrow winked playfully, and pink and red bows possessed ribbons that trailed several feet from where they were attached to the box.

He gathered that if anyone saw him leaving the store and returning to Hogwarts he could always strangle himself with the ribbons if need be. They were, perchance, long enough to be effective.

The thing that Professor Snape had initially refused to take in was the Grand Sweetheart Candy Box. Not that Vector was his sweetheart, but it was the best thing that Honeydukes sold for the holiday.

And he thanked Merlin for the first time in ages that the title was not on the box, but on a sign above it.

Also, some of the other candy boxes said "Be Mine," For My Sweetheart," "Be My Valentine," and then there was that box that said, "I Love You."

He could always purchase that the day he knelt down in front of the Dark Lord in surrender and admitted that he was no longer truly his servant and was really working for Dumbledore, he thought sarcastically. And that he could do as he wished because he hadn't brought his wand and he wouldn't try to save himself.

"What is in it?' asked Snape miserably and dying a little more inside.

"Why, it is the ultimate offering we have for the holiday. It is one of every chocolate candy that we create. Dark chocolate, white chocolate, milk chocolate with as many varieties of flavored fillings to surpass Every Flavor Beans: you name it, it's in there! Raspberry, peanut butter, cherry, caramel, orange, lime, coconut, hazelnut crème…Professor Snape, surely your _mother_ will love it!"

The dead silence was long and stifling.

"My mother is dead," snapped Snape. "It is for someone else."

The owner apologized and offered his condolences, but he was confused. Everyone knew that Snape didn't have a girlfriend and that no girl in her right mind would have anything to do with him. _Who the hell was it for?_ He tortured that poor Professor Vector with the clusters and blood lollipops and his wife always railed at him that he should search his conscience and refrain from selling them to Snape.

_But how could one ban a customer from ordering or even banish them from one's store? Didn't have the guts to do it…everyone said he was a Death Eater…_

_Would that kill him because he wouldn't fill and order of candy? They had done if before for far less, after all…._

And then his thoughts broke when he heard a noise and a snort. The owner knew he had made a mistake when he looked at his wife. She was seething, her nostrils flaring, and she was giving him a look that said, "If you don't do it soon, _I will."_

He ignored his wife and Professor Snape spoke.

"It will do. How much do I owe you, sir?"

The owner guessed that in the time it took to magick the box down from its great height, his wife could still shout at him and box his ears.

"That will be…" he started.

"Oh, I don't think so!" exclaimed the owner's wife.

"Madam?" exclaimed Snape in horror.

She turned to her husband. "Do not sell this man that box of candy…it's for _her_…I know it is. The school does that gift exchange every year…and there is no telling what…"

But he interrupted, "And what a nice change of pace…." The owner then blushed red realizing what he had just implied to Professor Snape and guessing that he may not order from him anymore.

"Oh, no, I won't let you sell it to him. Merlin knows what he'll put in them. At least the poor girl can say no and easily identify our clusters or the pops." She crossed her arms and looked at Severus. "I am sorry, but surely you can find something else." She looked once more meaningfully at her husband. "Somewhere else."

"Sorry, professor, but I hope we can still offer our services…some other day."

Snape was speechless. He believed the muscles in his eyes were permanently damaged from being widened for so long.

_What was going on?_

And as he turned to leave, the harpy, er, the owner's wife gave him this last.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day that I could look at my own creations and be saddened. How could you? We make the blood lollipops for _actual _vampires. Uh, they have girlfriends too, you know. Nobody else eats them. And the cockroach clusters are for creatures that actually wish to bestow some to a hag…er, if they ever do have an interest in them. We try to make everyone happy and have something for everyone. And I wish I could make something for you, professor, because the things I have heard are quite alarming. Purchasing _my pops_ to harass a girl and make people think she is a vampire? Why, I haven't got the words to tell you what a right foul thing that is. And sending boxes upon boxes of cockroach clusters to a lovely, professional young woman to let her know you think of her as a hag…." She couldn't finish and turned on her heel and left.

The owner shrugged and gave Severus Snape a look that disturbed him to his very core.

One more damaging than any scornful expression could.

It was a look of absolute pity.


	30. Chapter 30: Wearin' O' The Mean

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 30: Wearin' O' The Mean**

Professor Snape swore to himself that he would never step a single black boot into Honeydukes _again_ as long as his miserable life lasted.

However, any purchases of blood lollipops and cockroach clusters would be carried out in complete duplicity and mean-spiritedness, and by cover of night, by his owl, Charon.

Er, after the holiday.

He just wouldn't be there when it was.

_How dare these people get involved in my personal life?_

He hadn't had _one_ in such a long time, and hating Vector and trying to make her life miserable sort of gave him a sense of purpose and something to do when he wasn't busy being the greatest spy that had ever operated in the Wizarding World.

Even spies needed some downtime and a hobby to pass the time.

_Really…_

The encounter was trying…but at least he hadn't walked out of the wretched store with that _abysmal _candy box.

And he noted as he swirled with a flash of black cloak and retreated from the store, that the design on the bags for customers carrying out their goods was red and pink kisses.

He rolled his eyes and sighed in relief and kept walking.

_Off to the next shop…_

He felt his insides lurch a bit, due to the unknown.

He had never in his life entered Madame Malkins for any type of cloaks or robes.

Since he had entered school as a boy his mother had always gone to secondhand stores because they were poor.

As he grew older, he frequented stores in Knockturn Alley that the Death Eaters patronized and continued to do so after he turned to Dumbledore to not raise suspicion by doing anything out of the ordinary.

Well, he couldn't exactly purchase anything; certificates or robes for Vector and the damned grab bag at an apparel store in Knockturn Alley.

_Unless….Vector wished to be eaten by cursed robes or turn a nasty shade of purple before dying an untimely death._

_Eh….hem…._

He remembered himself and entered the door to Madame Malkins.

But not before plunging a long-fingered white hand into his black robes to recover a tiny bottle of draught he had on him.

For when he saw the display with the Gilderoy Lockhart line of robes and sleepwear, he realized that taking an anti-nausea potion was a sound and entirely prudent precautionary measure.

The rapid clucking of the old and young women in the store ceased as Severus Snape entered the store.

Nobody to their knowledge, not even Helga, the nearly 120 year-old-witch that was shopping with the assistance of her granddaughter, and knew everyone in their world, had ever seen Severus Snape in Madame Malkins.

A sea of stunned and frightened women looked at him peculiarly and parted to let him pass as he made his way to the back of the store where the shop owner's desk was located.

She nearly spit out her pumpkin juice in surprise.

_Why it's that nasty professor that is really a Death Eater…_she thought in shock and horror.

And there was cause for concern with her business.

She didn't want any trouble.

But, alas, trouble was around the corner.

Professor Snape was just about to approach the counter and address the owner when he saw it…er, her.

Professor Vector and Professor Sinistra were currently in the shop trying to procure a gift for Professor Snape.

His jaw opened in astonishment and he turned and attempted to exit the store before anyone saw that the pale and inscrutable face was now tinged slightly pink in the thin cheeks.

But before he did, apparently, Helga wanted to start some trouble.

"Bah, what a nasty piece of business that was…_the nerve_…blood lollipops."

But he caught the cane deftly with his hand before it knocked him in the head and when he was sure it was safely brought down and pointing at the ground at the elderly woman's side, he gently but firmly let go.

He gazed at her blankly and said nothing.

_Dear Merlin…and if it was anyone else he would cursed them into the adjoining store…._

_But Azkaban was even more dreadful in the winter….and after all, she was over one hundred years old_….the thought flowed through him in a not so dormant wave of conscience for the old crone with anger management issues.

And why was he feeling bad? She was still quick…but he, Severus Snape, had always had to be quicker.

He fled.

"GRANDMAMA….ARE YOU MAD?" questioned the granddaughter in a panic. "They will come for us!"

"Let the Death Eaters come. I am too old for their shit." She replied in a pugnacious tone.

"That bloody nasty and half-cracked fiend wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything from here…."started a very perturbed Helga. "Lucky, my reflexes aren't what they used to be…would've dueled him…they would have found him in London. Wish you ninnies would take this cane and give me my damned wand back!" she croaked violently.

And the rest of the inhabitants of the store, guessing it was safe because Severus Snape had left abruptly without uttering a word, also assumed that it was safe to let loose on a wide-eyed and equally astonished Professor Vector.

_**30 minutes later…**_

Professor Snape and Vector had one thing in common this day: both hadn't had an easy time procuring a gift for the grab bag.

…though Professor Snape nearly sustained an injury from a hot-headed elderly witch.

Septima tried to excuse herself to leave but every time she did she was met with violent sympathy, and a cajoling arm patted her shoulder to try to comfort her.

"Blood lollipops!" yelled Helga,"well, I'd show him. I'd stick them somewhere that he'd never think it was funny again…the beast!"

"My son, Edmund, still cringes when someone mentions his former Potions Professor's name," offered Mildred, the granddaughter.

"And cockroach clusters….nobody eats them…not even real hags somebody told me."

And Septima had to listen to a litany of abuse and complaints toward Snape that even she got tired of after awhile.

And her experience at Madame Malkins was eye-opening but hardly surprising. Nobody liked Snape. They were just too afraid of him to tell him to his face.

Except Helga.

As the women kept up their antics, she managed to slowly reach the counter of the store, Aurora Sinistra, who was helping her shop, in tow.

The owner looked at her with sympathy mingled with fear.

"My dear, did you wish to purchase something for Mr. Snape?"

"Yes, er, for the grab bag…I selected his name again this year." She tried to control the burning sensation that signaled an onslaught of tears that she wished to avoid.

"I thought you might. I am sorry, but I cannot sell you anything….for him."

"Why, may I ask?"

"Because….I never, ever want him to come into my store again."

"What?"

"He may like our quality robes and become a customer and that just wouldn't do. We don't serve Death Eaters, unless we have to. And a gift certificate is not a good idea either because then he would have to come in here to use it. Sorry, dear, but we'd like to keep our association with Professor Snape as it was…non-existent."

"I understand. Come, Aurora, let's go…."

Aurora looking dumbfounded followed Septima out of the store.


	31. Chapter 31: The Hag Raises the White Fla

**A Gift For a Hag**

**Chapter 31: The Hag Raises the White Flag**

And it was very much the same everywhere that Professor Snape ventured to secure a gift for the hag. Nobody would serve him and he was berated regarding his treatment of Professor Vector as his gift bag recipient many times over.

And he would have given anything, even revealed his motives and loyalty to the Dark Lord if they had only left it at that.

Everyone he encountered…nearly everyone thought he was either her valentine, boyfriend, fiancé, or jilted ex…or clearly a deranged sociopath that showered her with gifts not fit for a dementor.

He weighed the last thought for a moment more.

Even worse…some even suggested that he did this so she would pay attention to him.

The nerve…

So he was beside himself, striding quickly and menacingly and lost in thought when he walked through the winding streets of Diagon Alley.

And he could curse himself for not paying attention.

But quite frankly, he had been utterly distracted by the screaming, the hair pulling, the cheers, and _oohs_ and _ahs _of the simpering fools.

And by the sight of a swooning Sinistra and a very white and very quiet Vector who was standing on a grandstand outside of Flourish and Blotts.

Vector was yelling something to him, her eyes wide, as she shook her head and beckoned to him. She had spotted him amongst a sea of hyperventilating and just overly hyper middle-aged women.

It was too late when he realized that she wasn't waving him over, she was waving him away.

And trying to warn him that….

"Why…if it isn't Professor Snape, my former assistant in the Hogwarts dueling club, and from what those in the know tell me, rogue Valentine."

Septima slapped a hand to her forehead and gave up in earnest when she saw Snape stop dead in his tracks when he saw Lockhart materialize from behind her where he had been hidden due to an autograph he was signing on the other side of the raised platform.

"Well, I can't say I am surprised. I worked with both of them when she started, and let me tell you, few could resist the charms of the raven haired minx when she bats her purple-blue eyes at you," shouted Lockhart quite loudly with some help from a wand that was pointed at his throat, after Professor Snape gathered that _somebody else _must have cast the Sonorous charm…for him.

_It wouldn't be the only wand held to his throat if the fool didn't shut up! _thought Professor Snape.

Professor Vector looked as if she wanted to die or perhaps cry in vexation. Lockhart was making her sound like a tart or a hussy, which wasn't much better in her opionion than a hag or a vampire, or both.

Professor Snape looked as if he wanted someone to die and it was surely Gilderoy Lockhart.

"And I guess I could say the same for our playing it close to the black vest Potions Master. They were inseparable really, until he met the hag I mention in my book, for more information please see the latest book by Rita Skeeter which will be out in about a month. Ah, love is blind…my hair is golden…" ruminated Lockhart.

Professor Snape approached the platform seething, his robes that blew about in the wind contrasting sharply with his stone-faced expression.

He reached Professor Vector's side and whispered.

"I suppose you weren't able to purchase anything either." He looked morose and rolled his eyes in the direction of Lockhart who was prancing about the stage, thrilled that his new book was getting so much attention.

"No, not in the least…nobody would sell me anything if it was for you," replied a sullen Professor Vector.

"I have experienced the very same…so we are calling it even," said Snape smoothly.

"Yes, we… we will lie and just say we gave each other something. They will believe us if we both admit to it and back each other up."

Snape gazed at her in a sort of fascinated yet begrudging appreciation. He couldn't have thought of something so sly himself.

"I guessed as much…permit me…one moment."

He walked toward Professor Lockhart and said a few words which nobody heard until the clutched his throat and yelled out.

"Dear Merlin…my stylist applied pomade. Nearly a whole bottle!" Lockhart fled from the stage in a flurry of horror.

Professor Snape grabbed Professor Vector's arm and they both apparated back to Hogwarts.

They both knew Aurora Sinistra wouldn't budge, but that Vector would see her later back at school.


	32. Chapter 32: Don't Get Your Hopes Up

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 32: Don't Get Your Hopes Up**

_But he just said…_

_We were even…._

_No gifts…no discussion…because we were unable to purchase anything…_

_And now this!_

Professor Vector walked up to Hogwarts castle alone, after Professor Snape had immediately taken his leave once they apparated away from Gilderoy Lockhart.

Unfortunately for Professor Vector, Professor Snape had said nothing and wordlessly left her a note: a note that he hadn't bothered to wait around for her to open, read, and answer while in front of him.

She knew it couldn't be good….but never this bad.

Professor Vector trudged reluctantly fearing her legs would give way. She reached the front doors of the castle, walked through, and tried to make it to her rooms.

She glanced down once more at the parchment that was death-gripped in her hand. She read the spidery script over and over…

_Vector,_

_Once again, due to the grudge held for some reason by the Sorting Hat, I have once again been appointed your grab bag selection as you are mine. Gifts conferred to you in the past, which were given with the utmost sincerity and thought to be put to possible good use were shunned by you vigorously. I have given up, albeit, been unable to purchase any further items for your use. However, despite what I had said, after being utterly distracted by the squib, Lockhart, I have decided to take another approach. I will take you somewhere in lieu of a Valentine's grab bag gift. This should suffice in regard to my grab bag obligation. Save the date. More details will follow via my owl, Charon._

_Severus Snape_

_Potions Master_

_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Cc: Charon_

_Head Owl_

_Hogwarts Potions Department_

_Slytherin House Chief Correspondent_

Septima read the note several times and anger at the audacity of the bloody moron continued to build within her. There was nothing to do but let him know she'd prefer to die first. She would have to go to his office. She would be poised, calm…

_**Snape's office….thirty minutes later…**_

"DO YOU THINK I AM A BLOODY FOOL?" shrieked Professor Vector.

Severus Snape and his owl stared at her in silence without answering.

"Fine, don't answer."

Charon rolled his eyes and took this as his cue to fly off to the Hogwarts Owlery.

Septima continued as a silent Snape faced her.

"I have had the great misfortune to have you for some…oh, I don't know…not so random gift bag, and though I know your gifts to me have been utterly detestable, possibly harmful to my well-being, I accepted whatever I received from you. I gave you yours in return. But…there is _no way_ I will go _anywhere _at all in the British Isles with YOU! Er, nowhere outside the safety of the Hogwarts grounds in lieu of a gift…you will have to reconsider then and think of something for the grab bag, as will I. I've known the drudgery of working as your apprentice, the treachery of your owl, the misery of dining next to you in the Great Hall, and I have survived. I WON'T DO IT! And I don't care if Dumbledore _happens _to think it is a great idea. There is absolutely nothing to commend me to you or to even trust you to act decently for that matter."

Snape continued to look at her blankly and said nothing until he was sure she was quite finished ranting.

"To put it delicately…you'd never have the stomach or spirit to come through some of what I have, by no choice of my own at times. I don't suffer any nonsense…not even yours. As opposed to others that have gotten in my way, as you most certainly have over the years, just know that I have gone…easy on you."

"Am I supposed to be thankful?" said Septima turning pink. "You are mad."

"No gifts," stated Snape, with a determined nod of his head. Snape turned on his heel and strode over to his desk and looked at her once more. "Meet me here on the 14th of February at a yet to be determined time. I'll inform you through my owl."

Septima flushed red and scurried over to his desk, her fists balled up at her sides. "Have you just disregarded what I said earlier? I refuse to go."

Snape seemed to study her for a moment and spoke again. "I admit that there must be some, er, creature out there that might find you charming. I am not one of them. You are a nuisance that crops up theatrics whenever you are in my presence. I am not indifferent to your plight, all of the time. Some…thing might find you adequate, passable, even tolerable," his mouth twisted slightly. "I am being quite generous this evening, Vector, which is a great surprise to me."

Her mouth made an "o" in astonishment.

The argument ensued over the desk.

"I heartily dislike…"

"You, miss, are a viper of the utmost…"

"My…"

"Do you..."

"Yes, you are a bloody moron."

"Really, well…"

"If I ever…"

"I have never met such a fool in my life, silly girl, Leave my presence now…"

She strode past his desk and turned to face him.

"I am _not_ going!"

"If you say so…good evening, Vector."


	33. Chapter 33: Dungeons Sweet Dungeons

**A Gift For a Hag**

**Chapter 33: Dungeons Sweet Dungeons**

_A few days later…_

Professor Vector yet again trudged reluctantly, this time out of the Great Hall and through the heavy double doors leading out to the Hogwarts main gate. She glanced down once more at the parchment that was gripped in her hand. She had read it over and over but for some reason, his moronic message was not sinking in.

_Vector,_

_February 14__th__._

Oh, Merlin help me…

_7:59 sharp._

Just to be an asshole with restrictions…

_Front Gates._

What if someone sees me…with him? On Valentine's Day….Oh fu…

_A yet to be determined spot in Hogsmeade…_

If it is Puddifoot's, I might even die before I faint from the shock….no, would he really do that to me or to himself? Could I apparate to Wales for a few hours…

_And no, there is no avoiding me, until the blasted grab bag is over._

_Professor Severus Snape._

Professor Vector walked along a winding path until she reached the gates. She looked around and did not see Professor Snape. Perhaps he wouldn't see her. She had worn black too. She was in mourning after all…for her reputation…and any decent man ever coming near her to inquire about her after being seen with this asshole…

She placed her hand in the pocket of her cloak and pulled out her grandmother's magicked timepiece. _7:58…HA! _

She was actually earlier than him. The git couldn't say anything when he arrived, but she would. She intended to salvage the evening by lecturing him about punctuality until he couldn't take it anymore and let her leave. She would start with the entire walk over Hogsmeade. She could project her voice, even though she intended to hide amongst the foliage as she walked so nobody would see them together on Valentine's Day night.

She shoved the timepiece back into her cloak with a self-satisfied smile.

_A few hours and this horrible and frightening ordeal would be over…_

This was the third time that she and Snape had pulled each other's names from a grab bag. _Three times a charm? It had to be different a four…"AHHHHH!" _she screamed.

Professor Snape was standing behind her.

"Where in the bloody hell did you come from? You were not there a second ago. Also…"she smiled smugly," you are late."

Professor Vector took a breath to calm her nerves. He had arrived without making a sound.

"I hate to disappoint you…but it is 7:59," Snape announced silkily. "Follow me, Vector. Unfortunately for me, the entire staff decided to meet for dinner in Hogsmeade, so there is no sense in going somewhere else in the village and raising suspicion that there was the off chance that we…_wished to be alone together…" _The smirk and raised eyebrow bordered on innuendo in her opinion. "Regrettably, we will just have to meet them. There is some consolation, I will not have to dine with you alone," Snape confessed austerely.

She felt a bit of relief after his comment and the thought of being alone with him diffused. She had a cutting remark at the ready but suddenly thought better of it. This would be good. It would be like not going with him at all. The staff would be her deliverance from his greasy clutches. She would immediately enter the pub and find a seat as far from him as possible and spend dinner with her co-workers. He would never make a scene and comment about it. She planned on sitting, actually, next to Hagrid who was so large as to potentially block her view from wherever the blasted bat perched, er, sat.

She tried to hide her smile of pleasure from him but it was most difficult.

"A few reminders…"

"Oh, this should be good," she snapped.

"You are _not _my Valentine…nor am I yours."

"Oh, was I mistaken, Snape, terribly sorry about that…" she cracked sarcastically. "Wouldn't due to get my hopes up now…"

He eyed her coldly, not finding humor in this.

"Amusing, Vector, really….but I am offering to pay because it is my obligation to fulfill my duty to the Headmaster's grab bag initiative…let me assure you, it is nothing more."

"Well, I'm not stupid. How do I fulfill my obligation? Because I sure as hell am not accompanying you and then you tell me later that some old magic bullshit has caused me to owe you a favor. I think not!" She scoffed heartily.

"No, you are mistaken. It will be fine. You have already committed to the act of trying, which we all know," Snape rolled his eyes in exasperation," is sufficient for our Headmaster. You have attempted to fulfill it. It is not entirely your fault that nobody would sell you anything for me."

And for a moment she felt slightly uncomfortable when she decided that is must be rough admitting this to someone.

"Listen…why don't we, you know, perhaps have a word in future with the Sorting Hat?'

"I have already attempted to do so. Apparently, it is harder to see than the Headmaster."

"Well, you know….the Dark Arts…I am not sure I would feel bad for it anymore after the nonsense it has caused."

"Really Vector? As you very well know, I work in other capacities at the school for Dumbledore. I am sure he would be fooled and never suspect it was me when Dark Magic was utilized." He looked at her as if she was daft. " Sadly, it would never do. The Hat is so old, ancient really, with power so formidable from the Founders that I am not sure the Dark Arts could penetrate it."

"Oh, well, I can see your point. Not that I wanted to hurt it really or anything, it just makes me mad that it continues to decide to ruin our holidays…"

He eyed her curiously. "Professor Vector….resorting to the Dark Arts in distress…if it were anyone else I might just find it appealing…." His smirk seemed to be amused and wanted her to know that he dared to push her buttons.

Professor Vector hoped he was kidding. They still had awhile to walk out in the dark…very much alone.

The hems of his dark cloak twirled behind him as he began to stride. She tried to keep up with his long strides with difficulty. She was much shorter than him, but to point this out, would bring forth his jests about the possible goblin blood in her lineage.

_Fifteen minutes later…_

"Can you wait…up? We are off grounds now. Let's apparate," huffed Professor Vector.

"Enjoy the fresh air, Vector," intoned Snape in a sickly sing-song voice.

"Oh, fresh air…you need it more than me. A big improvement from the dungeons…or are you just trying to air out your robes."

He ignored her comment.

"It is dark. I would watch your step," he cautioned serenely," if I were you, that is. No telling what is out there…," Snape warned innocently.

Professor Vector had had quite enough of the long journey in the darkness and was going to apparate with or without him. "Well," she snorted involuntarily," I am a hag according to you. You should be more afraid of me than….AAAGGGGHHHH!"

Septima never looked down to see the large tree branch and stumbled to the ground.

"I meant to walk more carefully," Snape informed her calmly. He smirked. "I guess I will have to help you up."

The dark robes spilled over the ground as his tall frame bent near her.

"No…my ankle…it feels funny."

Snape went down on both knees and examined her boot. "Look at your ankle. I think you might have hurt it. Did you notice how you landed?"

"Er, on it, you dolt."

"It may be fractured Vector, sit still, would you prefer to do further damage before we know what it is?"

She looked about ready to tear. "I have never broken anything before."

"You don't know that yet." He was about to call attention to a vial she had hurled at him once but thought it better to not bring it up just yet. "It is too dark and _lumos _will not do the trick. I have nothing on me which could help you. You may need a bit of Skele-Gro even if the bone is chipped."

"What do you mean?" She pouted.

"Let's not adhere to the worst yet. Alas, we will have to go back. I have had to heal before and set things if need be, if you do not wish to go to Pomfrey."

"She is not there. She is at the pub too, I heard."

"Well, by the looks of it, you may need an hour or two."

"But…"she protested, fearing he meant that she would have to…

"If they are already drinking, which I believe with Hagrid in their party is highly likely, they won't be going anywhere, nor would they be fit to take a look at this. Do you really wish to disturb their revelry on this holiday," he appeared to not be as thrilled as the Valentine's celebrants surely would be at the pub.

She didn't answer him but nodded, begrudgingly admitting to herself that he was right.

"Well, Vector, we will just have to have dinner in the Dungeons," Snape said firmly.

Snape picked her up, not sure whether the face she made was from pain or the thought of dinner in his office.

"May I assist you?"

She was startled that he had the decency to ask.

She nodded and he stood up with her in his arms.

The wind blew black strands of his hair into her face. She was ready to die of horror.

She had never been this close to him…just that time when the fool had a moment of what had to be a breakdown when he kissed her quickly for that one grab bag.

"Stop fidgeting about, Vector. Be still. We will apparate to the grounds."

"Can I, er, try and walk it off once we get there?" Septima knew that this wasn't a bloody Charlie horse, but she really did not want to be carried by him for longer than absolutely necessary.

"Well, I could charm you to float up to the castle like a common piece of luggage, perhaps, but if the ankle moves and more damage is done…hmmm…dinner in the dungeons could last…ah, in my estimation…three hours longer than necessary, if you were agreeable, that is. Carrying you on a Friday evening, with my time short as it is lately, is hardly my idea of maximizing my limited leisure time, I assure you." Snape rolled his eyes and when he heard no more protests coming out of her mouth, he turned on the spot, thinking of the closest spot he could apparate near the Hogwarts grounds.

_Merlin…_Septima thought. _Snape was right. There really is no avoiding this grab bag debacle._


	34. Chapter 34: Misery Loves Company

**A Gift For A Hag**

**Chapter 34: Misery Loves Company**

It was amongst a sea of shocked and pity-induced gawking that Professor Vector was carried back to Hogwarts Castle, but misery for her and utter white-knuckled embarrassment as the few remaining stragglers exiting the castle hurried up so as not to be late for Valentine's dates in Hogsmeade. They did triple-takes as they saw their Potions Master striding purposefully with the Arithmancy professor hanging like a ragdoll from his arms. Well, from what they could make out in the dark, what with his dastardly black robes rippling about in the night air and all.

Professor Snape's face was inscrutable until a few students unnerved his outward stoicism when they shot quizzical but fearful looks at him inquiring with their expressions as to why he was carrying Professor Vector and why she was still living. He sneered at them and said nothing.

She never saw their pity as they attempted to see her face; she had a hand to her eyes because she couldn't bear to see their reactions to this.

_Perhaps Griphook would find it in his goblin heart to reinstate her full time yet again…or calling out on Monday seemed auspicious as well…_

When they neared the spiral staircase that led down to the dungeons she glared at a flabbergasted Filch and Mrs. Norris who also glared back at them perplexed. She could be wrong, but the tattered cat actually looked taken aback at the vision they made.

The cat hated Professor Snape. He had given her a kick in his second year at school many years before. Mrs. Norris looked at Professor Vector and decided that she was one cat who had gotten off easy.

They reached the door to his office that also led to his private quarters. He wordlessly thought the spells and the door opened. He closed it shut.

He noiselessly and gently placed her on an aged green couch. He moved a small green pillow from the other end of the couch and propped it under her ankle.

She saw the dust float and cringed. Apparently, she was the only female given the honor of being perched and currently incapacitated and immobile on his couch.

She asked Merlin, _why?_ _Why me? _as she gazed morosely at the stone moss-covered vaulting of the dungeons.

She gazed at him eagerly, hoping he got the message.

He ignored her and took out his wand and left her there. He walked into his sitting room.

She seethed. If he would just treat the ankle… she could blissfully count the minutes until she could heal, _leave_ him, and join the other staff members at the pub, to have some semblance of a Valentine's Day celebration.

_What the hell was taking him so long?_

She heard a sink running. She knew he wasn't freshening up. It unnerved her.

He emerged from the other rooms.

"Hurmmph…taking our sweet time while I am in pain? Lovely, Snape"

He smirked and ignored her. "Let me see…"

He gestured to the ankle and then glanced at a low stool that suddenly moved towards him. He sat down and swept the hem of his robes behind him.

He nudged gingerly at the ankle. She recoiled from the touch.

"You are in luck. It is sprained. It will be fine within the hour. Just enough time….dinner and then you can join the other revelers at the pub," he offered mock graciously.

"Are you, er, going?" she asked wide-eyed.

"No. but you can if you wish to," he said dismissively.

"Thanks for the permission." She looked away.

"I didn't mean it like that, Vector. I do not own you." His eyes met hers.

"Yeah, but why do I have the feeling that you are going to bring up a debt or something? Also, I will have you know that I believe something is up. I didn't see that tree root before I fell. It was huge. I have my suspicions that…" she informed him earnestly.

He ignored her and nodded. "You wouldn't have. You were too busy lashing out at me," he informed her.

He anticipated the flare up and was not disappointed.

"Do you understand that you have ruined Valentine's Day for me… forever? And your sorry attempts at a guilt trip won't work, I will also have you know…just saying…"

"As have you," he stated without emotion.

"What? No I have not. You _hate _Valentine's Day. You hate _every day._ All holidays even. Oh, yes, if it weren't for me, you would be celebrating it with some nice girl, I'm sure," she cracked spitefully.

"Hardly. I might have attempted it once but it didn't quite pan out," he muttered softly.

Her mouth made an "o."

He ignored her. He was not getting into the time he had gone to Hogsmeade two days before Valentine's Day in his 6th year. It had been months… and despite his many efforts Lily still refused to even look at him let alone talk to him. Owls went unanswered. He had saved up some money. Er, through not the most honest means due to the people he now frequented his time with at school. He was going to send her the most elaborate flowers, candy_, any_ Valentine's nonsense that would be his way of getting her attention again. Perhaps… _persuade_ her somehow to talk to him. And then he saw her walking with Potter in Hogsmeade and changed his mind.

_Also, when people found out… if his acquaintances found out….it might matter._

Years later as he now thought of it, it didn't matter. Those Slytherins didn't matter. He should have done it. _It might have saved her…._

He blinked and tried to change the subject and the pattern of his thoughts.

He withdrew his wand…

"Ok, we can drop it." she snapped nervously.

He smirked and waved his wand over her ankle. His voice was soft and low and she couldn't make out what he was saying. And then he informed her….

"Dinner is just about ready."

"Really… where?"

"Back there." He inclined his head toward a large ornately carved wooden door, which was lovely except that she noted the huge snake head-door handle.

"Where is there?" she cautioned.

"My private quarters…sitting room, bathroom…the Heads of House have more rooms as you very well know. Unless you would like to eat amongst my…_what do you call them?_ The glass containers with the disgusting contents floating about…" he smirked.

"Very well." she sighed. "I would prefer not to stare at that stuff in your office and classroom. I get it. I can always call the elves for help." She threw up her hands in resignation. "Pickled rat spleen…not so appetizing in jewel-colored water, er, whatever you have them floating in…."

He ignored the outburst regarding his personal stock of potions ingredients. "Perhaps not…. The elves have been quite busy."

"What did you do to them?" She asked suspiciously and eyed him carefully.

"Nothing. Nothing that they didn't enjoy doing, I can assure you. It was a break from the routine of preparing huge meals in the Great Hall."

"You mean…"

"Yes. Let's go. I will carry you. You will be fine in an hour or so. But until that happy moment of parting, we will dine and I have a few things to say to you regarding our grab bag history."

"Good, because I have a few bones to pick with you…er, now that you mention it."

"Well, put your arms around my neck, Vector, and be still. We can, at the very least, hopefully sort out our grab bag grievances. But first we will fulfill our grab bag obligations to the Headmaster." He rolled his eyes.

He picked her up and led her to the Slytherin Headmaster's sitting room that adjoined his office.


	35. Chapter 35: Eyes Only For You

**Chapter 35: Eyes Only For You**

"What the hell, Snape? Are you ill? Dragon Pox…or something even more difficult to cure?"

"No. Weren't you hungry? Did I not say I would arrange for dinner? Do any of us prepare meals for ourselves at the castle to your knowledge? It was the elves doing."

"Yes, but you asked them to do this." She eyed him strangely.

"Yes." He sneered, not making eye contact.

He placed her gently on a large chair and helped her to prop up her ankle on a dark green overstuffed pillow.

"Are you settled in then?"

"I think so. I ,er, I can't imagine how you thought to…"

"Never mind. It is done. And this Merlin-foresaken grab bag will be over."

Professor Vector looked around and took in her surroundings.

"So, er, this is where you live? You know, I have only seen your classroom and the office."

"Yes, we are now in my living room, which is adjoined by my bedroom, bathroom, and another room. The Heads of House living quarters are a bit more comfortable than other professors' quarters." He offered, seemingly mollified that she appeared to be impressed.

Professor Vector did not see him gesture with a hand to other doors in the living room leading off to these places. She lifted an ornate silver fork and studied it. She then placed it down with a grin and studied the china, the crystal glasses, and gazed curiously at the silver trays that were still topped off with elaborate silver covers.

"So, what is this all about? You have fairly outdone yourself, by all imagining. And really, this would be ground-breaking news to most of the staff that you do in fact, eat." She teased.

"I am here to settle the grab bag obligation. And Dumbledore suggested that I make some consolations…ah, to you."

He lifted a tray and she nearly slipped off the green leather chair. It was a tray with gillywater in crystal glasses with an ice bucket nearby. It was her favorite drink and each glass was topped with a blue umbrella. Just how she and Flitwick liked them.

He wordlessly lifted another tray and all of her favorite foods from the elves' kithchen appeared. Roasted chicken, baked potatoes…prepared exactly as she liked them.

She then started to become concerned, and even more so when he moved over a candy dish with fare from Honeydukes. She rummaged amongst the sweets. Not one blood lollipop or cockroach cluster in sight.

"Severus, Poppy Pomfrey did not go to the pub. With your permission, do you think we should have her come here and take a look at you and…"

"No. And if I were you I would stop blabbering. I am not calling the elves to warm up your dinner, Vector,' he warned her.

"Very well, this chicken is amazing…the potatoes are wonderful." She munched happily.

"They know you like them…it appears they went above and beyond, I guess you could say." He placed a piece of chicken on his plate.

"How is my ankle?"

"It should be better soon, I would say in about another twenty minutes, which leaves us enough time to settle this business of the grab bag." He fixed her a grave look.

"Fine. As you were saying, Snape…"

"Vector. I will speak on both of our behalves with Dumbledore. I will never participate in a grab bag with you or anyone else again."

She made a face. "Oh, so worried about what everyone thinks in Hogsmeade? That you are blacklisted apparently, and I from purchasing anything for you as well…and…"

"I don't give a damn what anyone thinks, Vector, even in Hogsmeade. I have procured gifts for you before, and you never appreciate what I have to go through to get them."

"You bought me a makeover book for hags and tried to set me up with a vampire, you bloody moron. Are you mad?" She dropped her fork with a loud clank.

"I believe it is still the thought that counts. Have I not also…bestowed flowers upon your demanding and fussy person?" He looked down at his food.

"Yes, and you were rude when you had Miss Parkinson present them to me and not yourself, and rude when I ran to you afterwards as well."

"I will not argue with you." He withdrew his wand from a pocket in his black robe.

"All right. Forget about it then. "She stared at his wand tip.

He wordlessly conjured another set of bluebells. "Here. And I am even presenting them to you myself this time. An utterly thankless job I assure you, but the very same." He continued to barely touch his meal.

"Why would you do that?"

"To at least end one gripe we have with each other among the many I assume."

"What about the book and the bloody vampire?" Professor Vector's voice became high-pitched.

"You will not see Sanguini again, I assure you, and the book might have been a slight miscalculation on my part. But if you change your mind, it is still currently for sale at Flourish and Blotts."He informed her in a matter of fact fashion.

"Oh, so you checked to make sure, you asshole."

"Only upholding my duties as grab bag bestower, I'm afraid. Very touching one would think."

"I really hate you."

He didn't answer at first.

"After several years of speculation, I deduced that my theory that you were a vampire was possibly unfounded, though I still express doubts. I then decided that I had acquired enough evidence to go with my other initial instinct, Vector."

"That being…" She rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"You are a hag."

"You…._you_ are a bastard." She folded her arms.

Silence.

"And I hope you choke on the chicken."

Silence.

"And one other thing, because it is with pure joy that I have just realized that I only have ten more minutes until my ankle heals and I can leave you….why did you kiss me for that one grab bag." She asked red-faced.

"As you know, so as not to be rude, as I have already stated rather plainly to you, Vector, I had to. Dumbledore, it is my belief, had charmed the mistletoe."

"What the hell would lead you to believe that, unless you want to?" yelled Professor Vector in disbelief.

"No, Vector. You are right. Let us just say that I looked at you and Peeves had annoyed us both, and I had just given you the book at the pub and you had just thrown a gillywater at me and you… looked like you wanted me too."

"HA… _HA_…You are barking….seriously deranged. Is that it then, you delusional asshole?"

"You looked pathetic and perhaps I pitied you. I am not what everyone seems to believe me to be," offered Snape calmly.

"No, your mouth pretty much confirms the fact that you are a complete bastard and a delusional one. Well, time is up. Have a good evening, alone, and thanks for healing my ankle."

"No. Sit down. I haven't finished, Vector."

"Well, I have. I have heard enough. And don't bother seeing Dumbledore regarding the grab bag. I will be there first to tell him that I wish to have another name if the Sorting Hat _bestows _Severus Snape's name on me." And it was with hurt pride and mortification that she realized that she had begun to cry.

"Vector…"

"No…I'm done."

"Vector, sit down, won't you?" The voice was quiet.

"You have two seconds and then I am gone the minute you say something I don't remotely like."

He said nothing and then raised his wand and directed the point at an old wooden cabinet near the fireplace.

A black box started to move toward the table and he flicked his wrist and allowed the box to settle in front of Professor Vector.

"What is this? Poison, a year's subscription to Hag of the Month? Maybe…"

"No, it is for you."

"If I open it will I still be breathing in a few…." asked Professor Vector with caution.

"Open it, Vector," he snapped.

She did. Several dark purple amethysts were nestled on a heavy gold brooch.

"What is this?"

"It is not a gift that you can keep. However, let us say that it is on an indefinite loan for you to use at your disposal," he said softly.

"It is heavy… this seems very valuable….and old…. almost medieval by the looks of it."

"It is. It belongs to Slytherin House. And I, as Head of House, have the privilege of allowing anyone I choose to borrow it under the condition that it may be returned. Hence, another grab bag is over, Vector. Your ankle is healed. And you may leave."

"This is er, _nice_ of you."

"Consider it at token of my friendship to you."

"Can we really be friends?" She looked at him unsure.

"I wouldn't mind attempting."

"Can you attempt to not be an asshole?"

"I couldn't guarantee anything. Be careful with it."

"Does this possess any magical properties? At Gringotts I have seen valuable objects like this and…"

"Vector, if it was anything dangerous…or harmless and powerful even, I would not let you borrow it, because if anything happened to you, Dumbledore and the entire village of Hogsmeade would suspect me now, I suppose." He smirked remembering all he had gone through trying to purchase a gift for the hag now sitting across from him.

"Well, thank you. I will be going. They are probably wondering where I am. Are you, er, going?"

"No, I have work here. My obligation is over. Well, one of many at the very least."

She nodded, gave a small embarrassed smile and left.

He let her go. There was no way he could possibly inform her that the amethysts reminded him of her dark blue, slightly purple eyes.

Telling her he was in love with her was probably not fathomable either.


	36. Chapter 36: The Very First Valentine's D

**A Gift For a Hag**

**Chapter 36: The Very First Valentine's Day**

**(Extra Chapter)**

_A little something special for the holiday…no, it is just I can't leave a Gift for a Hag alone…love it too much! Unfortunately, I was unable to post for a while due to the busies…._

It was not a pleasant sight to take in on such a beautiful afternoon. Truly a blight among the other lovely sites he saw. The birds sang their song back and forth, sound trilled throughout the air as if it was some competition for beauty of song. Sprout's gardens bloomed in a riot of colors, bright yellow, red, magenta, orange, purple….and then there was the monster that plowed through them.

_Such a pity…_ The dark boots walked swiftly as the hem of the cloak trailed behind. Professor Snape noted with derision that the creature in view paused to bend down to grasp a particularly lovely bloom from the side. Why Sprout hadn't fenced in magically this garden to keep out such ungodly creations, he would never know. The monster rose again slowly and kept on. It left the garden to enter a side door of Hogwarts castle, moving quickly now to barge through the hallowed and stately gallery that led to the Great Hall of Hogwarts Castle. There were other ways to go, but this was shorter.

_Well…._ he thought, Vector had to get to her office _somehow _one would imagine.

He was angry. This would take him all day, up until the time he decided that he would stealthily enter the monster's office to avoid it to fulfill his unfortunate obligation to the staff grab bag. No need to take in the unsightly creature. He had had his fill for the day.

Sometimes, the Headmaster simply asked too much of him.

He couldn't decide how to wrap it. He hated pink and red, but they were the color scheme that coincided with this blasted holiday after all. Either way he lost. Pink was nauseating and red denoted love. Neither would do. And he thought white meant friendship and that would not do either. He sighed in annoyance, his mind now made up_. Green for Slytherin house…too bad if she didn't like it._

The rest was easy. Silver ribbons, also Slytherin. And now the next troubling hurdle. What to write in the card enclosed. _Dear Dunderhead…_ he started…_Dear, you do know you are not and never will be my valentine, is that agreed? Dear monster, suspected vampire, confirmed hag as of yet…._

He abandoned all. Dumbledore would have something to say about it. And then he would continue to insinuate and say more that Professor Snape just didn't want to hear if he desired to keep down his lunch.

He just went with To Vector, From Your Mentor….

_Was it enough. Enjoy your holiday_. _Clearly I cancelled this out for myself when I agreed to uphold my duty and honor my obligation by bestowing any kind of gift I procured on you._

_Too wordy, perhaps?_

And he could kill his owl, Charon, who went off and got some type of stomach virus. He could have made his master's life easy and just delivered the damned thing. Now he had too.

He left the Room of Requirement and entered the hallway quietly but not before evanescoing the gift temporarily in order to retrieve it the very second he broke in to her office.

_Happy Valentine's Day Professor, Vector…_he almost smiled.

He made his way to her office near the Ravenclaw common room. He looked around but the halls were quiet. He was about to retrieve his wand from his cloak when he heard someone say as he faced her locked door.

"Oh, Professor Snape. She is not there. She went out for the afternoon with Professor Sinistra."

"How nice," drawled Snape, as he rolled his eyes with intense loathing. He swiveled to face Professor Flitwick and hoped he didn't look guilty.

Flitwick noticed that he made no motion to leave.

"Don't forget that it is Valentine's Day and the single members of the staff are sure to be out and about. Ah, such good times I had in my youth…" His giggle made Snape slightly nauseous.

Snape didn't want to know. He was probably the Puddifoots clientele sort. It made him want to throw up even more now.

"Do you….what did you get her?" asked Flitwick cautiously, but he couldn't help but ask.

"Something. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise…surely she will tell you later…"he gritted his teeth.

"Well, I have Minerva's gift and to tell you truly you may be right. Wouldn't want to spoil anything myself before she receives it." He grinned at Snape.

This wouldn't spoil anything. Not for him. When Vector received this he would never have any chance of having to talk to her again. Certainly Dumbledore would replace him as her mentor. He almost smiled at Flitwick deviously but caught himself. Then again his ingenuity clearly surprised himself at times.

"Well, see you later Professor Snape. What a lovely girl. You chose from the Sorting Hat well."

Snape nodded and made his escape. He wished to ask him if he felt all right. The creature was a nuisance, dumb, and not attractive in the least. _Really, was long dark waves and purplish blue eyes really that appealing? He had better see Madam Pomfrey truly._

He walked back down to the dungeons in frustration. This monster was trying his patience as usual without even being present. He had to think of some other way to deliver the gift.

And then it hit him. And then he thought_, no…far too risky._ But then he thought of another spell. It could work. He had never tried it recently. He could pass through the door and also be concealed with a rather elaborate and taxing invisibility charm.

So he decided to continue with his plan, raised his wand, thought the spell, and was genuinely satisfied when he could no longer see himself in the mirror, and then turned on the spot.

Now invisible, he used some dark magic and hoped nobody, especially Dumbledore, detected it. He turned into mist, which would be black, had he not used an invisibility charm.

_None would be the wiser…_he smirked with self-satisfaction.

He reached her office and seeped through the door. When he got through he restored himself to his original self.

_Well, she was out with Sinistra, time to investigate…_

Her office was airy, with many charts and maps and other items associated with the excuse for a subject she called Arithmancy. She had pictures of family and friends and other items from her travels. He looked at a sofa and rolled his eyes when he saw a stuffed hippogriff doll.

_Unbelievable… _he muttered to himself, but hardly surprising. _She was daft after all…_He looked up at the ceiling asking Merlin to give him strength.

On a wall, she had a bookshelf filled with many books on her subject and other subjects, mostly academic and advanced tomes. He swept past and then stopped abruptly. He paused and then walked backwards. He leaned in for a closer look and raised a hand to cover his eyes with disbelief. He inwardly shuddered.

_The complete works of Gilderly Lockhart…._

He hated her even more now. He could _never _forgive her for this….maybe being a monster, I mean, one couldn't help that…but never this_. Ever!_

Disgusted, because he had seen enough, he whipped out the present and laid It on her desk. He looked at it, arranged it, and twisted it around.

He knew he should leave, but for some reason he didn't. He felt something in the pit of his stomach. A twinge, a very slight twinge and he knew unfortunately that it was guilt. Something he rarely felt and certainly not for this creature. _How could you sympathize with someone who deliberately and voluntarily either purchased anything Lockhart put out or received it as a gift and allowed that nonsense to grace their bookshelf? _He couldn't quite gather how it was possible to overlook this.

_Unfathomable…_He had always suspected she was unhinged.

He turned and walked toward the door prepared to once again transform, until he flew down to the safety of his dungeons.

He stopped himself and turned back to the desk. Dumbledore would make him buy her something else. He would not see the practicality of a copy of Magical Makeover: Putting Your Best Claw Forward: (Hag's Edition.) It was only to help. Dumbledore would not see it that way. He sighed with regret. _Perhaps another time?_

_Ah, but what to give her then?_ And then he knew.

And he gave it begrudgingly. She had ruined his view before, but this could help him too. He would never have to see that monster trudging its monster legs through the gardens. He chose a generous dollar amount and then added more. _Just being practical_….

Trying to avert another assault on his sense of sight, he unmagicked the wrapping paper, pocketed the book, and put the paper on a gift certificate to Florien's Florals, the best flower shop in Hogsmeade.

He grimaced and turned toward the door. He heard the latch. _The hag was back!_

He went to an old rickety window in the old antique bathroom. It had ventilation slits. He noticed a hippogriff tub floating toy, and he smirked. He transformed and went out of the castle out to the open air.

But unfortunately, he forgot to also use the invisibility charm.

He didn't see the students playing underneath the window until one shouted out.

"What the bloody hell is that? Black mist or smoke… or, er, something coming out of that window. LOOK!"

"Yeah, look…what is that?"

Snape called out, and the students looked around unsure of who was addressing them. They heard a voice but saw no person.

"It is nothing. Just that fool Longbottom messed up a potion again and there was an explosion. No need to worry. Carry on as you were…"

He grinned slightly and headed back to the dungeons. His obligation was fulfilled and he would just have to think of an excuse for next year for the grab bag.

This time he would be better prepared.


End file.
